Constant limbo

[Starmoon]

His bail has been extended again… I was hoping to have news yesterday but now it will be another (removed by moderator). It’s all waiting on (removed by moderator) he may or may not have made.

I don’t know if they will feel they have enough on him to charge him regardless, but I guess they have to gather it all up first. (Removed by moderator) Some days I think surely they will charge him based on what they have already, even if he was lying about (removed by moderator). but other days I think he won’t be charged anyway because he always comes up smelling of roses.

The risk assessment officer is still set to come and visit regularly but I haven’t heard from him since the arrest.
She always asks if I have. I told her I knew that I wouldn’t. I know allot of men do brake bail and convince their partners to drop charges but I know he wouldn’t ever think he’d have to do that, he wouldn’t so blatantly risk being arrested because of his job and I think he was so so angry that id called the police and made a statement, that he really won’t want to contact me. I saw the hate in his eyes when he was taken out of the room!
When he was arrested I can imagine he will have convincingly been in full on charm mode, and even though police and officials say they are trained in this sort of thing, everyone (other than the risk officer and the police that night) I’ve come across previously, fell for him hook line and sinker (obviously myself included).
I know that they live in a different reality but even with a different perspective- he usually has his own logic (though not actually logical to any of us), but I can’t make sense of it. It was (removed by moderator) and he was vile to me, I was upset and eventually shouted back. When I did so, he assaulted me. What ever I did from there is a blur other that my desperation to get to the phone to call the police… I must’ve been scared at the time to have thought calling the police was my only option… But I don’t remember feeling anything at all?!
He left the room, then came back and that’s when I sat on the bed repeating over and over again for him to leave me alone, that’s all I remember saying. (Removed by moderator) The police eventually arrived and arrested him.
That was the worst attack but not the first. In the past, he’s skirted around admitting what he’s done.. At best he’s admitted it to an extent but played down how bad it was and then said I pushed him to it and that he’s never done it to anyone els and I push his buttons… All the usual stuff. I fully believed I was to blame for years. But if he really believes that I deserved it and it was my fault, then why deny it?! If it’s ok enough to do it in the first place, then there’s no reason to lie is there?!
I am starting to believe I wasn’t to blame, And I really do want him charged for it- for so many reasons…. But mostly because I think I will feel finally that it wasn’t my fault

[KIP.]

Hi there, I’ve been through very similar circumstances and all I can say is they are pathalogical liars. They will lie in the moment with no thought at all that in the future their lies will be easily disproved. Then they will blame anything and anyone to try to justify their actions. If he did (removed by moderator), the police will hear the truth, which will prove his lies. If he didn’t, then he lied to the police. Abusers are bullies. Once you stand up to bullies, they get angry. If you get the better of them, they look for someone else to bully. Don’t waste your energy trying to work out his thought pattern. He got high on the control over you. Even if there isn’t enough evidence, he now knows you won’t tolerate abuse. Well done you❤️

[godschild]

Hi starmoon, sorry this is draging out even longer for you, but at least the Police have taken it seriously as they often doent and just rite it off as a domestic and if there is evidance on the phone it will be indisputable.

I know that look of hate in the eyes, ive seem it in mine so many times, its sheer hatred with no foundation or anything to cause it but them not getting their own way.

As KIP says once you stand up to them the abuse increases they want you just where they want you under their control and fear, I saw mine really bad the end of last year, for years he has chased me up the stairs if I do something he does not like or make a stand towards him and Ive always got behind the bedroom door to keep him out out often with him threatening me and ranting swearing, but this time at the end of last year I did not do this, I stood an challenged him, it was the first time he had hit me other than with cushions or objects, he could not stand the fact that I was not showing fear and running away, he then went straight to the police station to verify himself no thought to leaving ma alone with my monophobia and really shaken up, his first priority was to vindicate himself.

They live in denial, they cannot or will not see the truth of their behaviour , occasionally they come out of denial but its hard work and a lot of long effort to take responsibilty, I got to understand this form a book : Emotional abuse the silent killer of marriage, by Austin James, he was abusive for 30 years and could not see it at all, he blamed his wife, then when she said she was divorcing him,he saw the truth, she still divorced him but he came out of denial and went through the necessary pain and steps to change, I have e mailed him and he now runs courses for perpertrators in America and he said some do come out of denial but some attend the course for 18 months and still remain in denial they just dont see the reality of what they are doing.

Will replly to yuor PM later, stay strong xxxx

[Author]

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