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    • #17548
      Snow
      Participant

      Hi there I wonder if any one can help me I’ve left my verbal abusive partner and now I’m reciving anything from 5 to 25 texts a day. It can be anything from I miss you and love to I’m taking legal action and your heartless ect. They are now starting to get me really down and today I broke down in tears, it’s hard to stay strong when he wont leave me alone. I’ve not answered any of his texts unless its regarding seeing our little boy
      ( which is another story altogether).
      What I’d really like to know is when is it classed as stalking when can I go to the police.

    • #17549
      Falling Skys
      Participant

      Hi Snow

      I was told by the police if you answer the texts its an argument if you don’t its abuse.

      I feel you have a very good case don’t delete ring 101.

      Good luck and stay strong.

      FS xx

      • #17551
        Snow
        Participant

        Thank you falling sky
        I did think that but I start to doubt myself and think I’m over reacting also don’t want to wast police time and them say he’s just trying to get back with you. To me it feels almost as bad as having him my home 🙁

    • #17554
      myfairyqueen
      Participant

      That’s harassment rather than stalking. My ex was doing the same and my silictor advised me to set out what was acceptable. He broke that and got worse so I went no contact, called the police and he got charged and pleaded guilty.

    • #17572
      White Rose
      Participant

      Hi my ex used to do this. I was already speaking to police DV team at the time for other things and they said ignore but save for records. It got worse so eventually they advised me to reply specifically saying “do not text me again” as was getting ridiculous. In the end I bought a cheap PAYGO phond and told him I’d changed my number which I hadn’t for anyone but him. I only checked the phone once a day or every other day then I conveniently “lost it” he now only had an email contact and that’s getting less frequently used too.
      No contact really works. It’s good you’re not replying but so annoying and stressful x*x

    • #17578

      I also receive texts and emails, I tend not to read them but like you it’s about 1 to 25 odd. I get blamed, I receive accusations, descriptions of my personality, what I cause (d), how bad I make him feel etc.
      I keep his messages but it’s hard not to read or react. I have had years of this.
      I am glad you bought another phone for his constant texts. Let him text if he wants. Just don’t look at them, it’s pointless, all he wants is a reaction.
      Try to imagine being him…all you would want is to have a reply, wouldn’t you if you were him? And frankly, what kind of conversation would that be? It all leads nowhere. Abusers’ s texts are what the abusers are : Abusive. Whether it is the volume of messages to the contradictory content…it’s all meant to destabilise you. Abusers need you to answer, react, acknowledge and “feed” their ego. It’s control.
      I have learned that during my life with my husband. Then I get the self pity messages too, where he tries to make me fee bad for him…that too doesn’t work any more so despite constant silent treatment from him during daytime, he launches another attempt by making me think we are going to have a proper conversation for once and he pops his head through the bedroom door and asks how my day at work will be like…imagine my reaction…so he walks off sulky, and I know his comments inside out as he blames me in front of the kids for being an unresponsive wife, therefore a bad mum too who really isn’t trying…the bad father in Pat Craven’s book. All subtle psychology any monkey could invent…when you are an abuser.
      So be more clever than him. Make notes, keep records, view the contents and report threats. Build a picture of the character and report as necessary. I am sure other experienced ladies here will be able to advise you about your rights.
      I just ignore. I have eyes only for what I want to see and read. I mock my husband and so does my daughter because he is truly pathetic.

    • #17584
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Snow,

      What you are explaining is harassment and you can report this to the police by calling 101 and asking to speak to the Domestic Abuse unit.

      There is a lot of useful information and practical advice on this website; http://www.stalkinghelpline.org

      Also, you can call the Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk through your options with a helpline support worker.

      Kind Regards,

      Lisa

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