Contact has started again

[backtome]

So, after I made him leave recently, I was speaking to his mum regarding contact for our LG. This is meant to be supervised contact, by his Mum. When i went to drop her off one day he was there. just speaking to me like everything was normal and nothing had happened. I then allowed him to contact me directly after that as he and his mum said that her phone’s screen was broken (she showed it to me and it was broken).

I ended up letting him stay over recently, and my little girl has not dealt with it well. I think she thought he was moving back in but obviously he’s not. She lashed out in school and so now I’ve got a “multi agency” meeting at school which the social work has called (guessing school called SW because she told them about him staying over). I’m so scared she’s going to think I’m unfit because I just cannot stand up to him. He was at mine getting some of his stuff and kept making jokes about staying over in front of her and I didn’t want to look like the bad guy so I said yes. I regret it so much now. I wish I’d never allowed him to contact me again. He messages several times a day asking if he can call to speak to our little girl. She doesn’t want to talk to him on the phone, so I say no and then he just calls anyway and I don’t answer the phone. I did answer the phone once and my lg has the biggest meltdown ever.

None of this is probably making sense, but I really wish he would just disappear and leave us alone.

I’m also not convinced he is being supervised by his mum as she thinks I’m overreacting and when I asked our lg did you have fun at **** with nanny and daddy she said she did but that nanny was **** and not with them.

Sorry for the offload, I’m so annoyed with myself and don’t know how to fix all this. I want my lg to be happy but it seems like every decision I make regarding her is wrong. I’ve been diagnosed with post natal depression (even though she’s school age!).

[Janedoeissad]

Backtome, you say at the end of your message that you have been diagnosed with Post Natal depression. It is no wonder you do not feel strong enough to deal with everything!! Depression saps your energy and makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.

Perhaps if you spoke to the Social worker at school they could help you get supervised contact with someone outside of the family? That way you do not have to deal with his Mum and her clear misunderstanding of her son and his behaviour. You could also then remove his number or block it as some third party would deal with ALL contact with your LG. If you go in to the meeting with the Social Worker and ask for that assistance, it would give a clear impression to them that you are trying but he is manipulating the situation.

Take each day at a time and do one thing at a time. Do not be frightened of Social Services involvement. Sometimes they really can help. They last thing they want is to take your child away from you. They do not believe you are a bad mother, they just want to know your child is safe. It sounds like you are trying your best but your in laws are undoing your hard work.

Also, maybe restarting with no contact at all might help. If he wants to see/speak to your LG. He needs to go through his Mum.

[backtome]

I’m really hoping they will step in an take over the need for me to arrange contact through family members etc as I just can’t stand up to him. I just got the feeling they thought I was overreacting when I first spoke to them and that’s why they left me to it but now it’s not me saying my LG is having problems, its school so hoping they take me more seriously.

x

[KIP.]

Just begin again with no contact. Now you know exactly what comes with contact. Manipulation and confusion for you and your little girl. She needs routine. He will use her anyway he can to get to you. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off and go total no contact.

[backtome]

That’s what I’m going to do, I’m seeing the SW soon and I’m going to ask her to speak to him and confirm that there will be no contact between us as it’s getting too much and I can’t tell him by myself as he just won’t listen. I’m just not sure how I’ll go about arranging contact for our little girl, which is supposedly supervised by his mum but I know full well that she is not supervising.

x*x

[Sunshine]

I am in a situation which has been similar to this. My daughter had access to her father and his parents. Everything has fallen through as bail conditions has stopped it. She now for the moment doesn’t see his parents but (detail removed by Moderator) I am going for supervised visition but will not be his parents doing it. I have no idea who, but Defo not his mother she knew exactly what I was living with but I think she is also scared of him and I can’t trust her. She let me down previously when my daughter was in her care I asked her to not let him take her out of her house and she did. Am stronger now than in the summer and am too taking medicine for depression. I think you just need to worry about your daughter and yourself this is what I have learnt through time…. I couldn’t stand up to him either. Everyone said why are you giving him access but I was scared not too until my daughter was getting emotionally abused by him and I thought “enough”. Multi agencies are involved with me too but are happy am keeping her away from him. I’ve been told if I gave access it will change. It’s a horrible situation to be in as I have always wanted her to have contact but now am thinking you know what, maybe it’s actually been beneficial to not. I would be honest and say everything to services so they will know your need help xx

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