This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Camel 2 weeks, 6 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #113234
     Eve1 
    Participant

    My daughter has gone back into education and ex is now eligible to pay maintenance. He stopped when she stopped, which was technically correct, but now he should pay again. I’ve texted him to inform him, there’s no way he would volunteer to do it! And I’m expecting either no reply or something unpleasant. I hate that I feel so anxious about doing it and about his response, so much so that I felt the need to come here while I wait.

    The most important thing is that my child feels up to taking on studies again, I know, but the maintenance would make a difference to us right now.

    I’ll post with any results.

    Love
    Eve

  • #113286
     Eve1 
    Participant

    2 line message back to say he will sort it. No hello, or any such, not that I want a hello.

    Relieved.

    Love
    Eve

  • #113289
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    Hi Eve

    Pls don’t believe that he will sort it out.
    Abusers are liars, cheaters and stealers.
    Don’t rely on him or take his word for it, why would you after all he’s put you through.
    If you are in need of Child Maintenance for your daughter better contact CMS. They are way more reliable and accurate than any abusive person on this planet. And also contact WA for advice pls. The more support on your side the better.

    Well done with your daughter wanting to keep studying, she has learned to trust in the future, you can be proud of your achievement, that’s all down to your perseverance 💪😘

    Keep strong & keep going, wishing you the best 💕🌸

  • #113301
     Eve1 
    Participant

    Thank you. I know what you mean, that’s good advice. It’s difficult because my instinct is still to treat him with kid gloves, to avoid any conflict. I had a look at the CMS website for a contact number but it looked like you had to open a case before contacting them so perhaps WA would be a start. He had always paid before however it stayed the same for years and I never challenged him, although I knew he’d be getting pay rises.

    Love
    Eve

  • #113342
     HopeLifeJoy 
    Participant

    Hi Eve
    You can never avoid conflict with abusers, they are the ones creating them regardless how good you treat them. They thrive on conflicts. We ‘normal’ people thrive on peace.
    It is worth opening a case number with CMS so they are helping or even taking over the contact about Child Maintenance.
    You want to aim for as least possible ties to the abuser, regaining your freedom so you have more space and time for your own life 🙂
    Do contact WA to start with, they will know how to help you.
    You’re doing great you know, keep going & posting 😘

  • #113354
     Camel 
    Participant

    Hi Eve

    It’s no surprise you feel anxious, knowing him as you do.

    Remember if you can that you’re not asking him for help, you’re demanding that he contributes financially to the support of his child. It’s your daughter’s right.

    Meanwhile, so long as he pays what is agreed on time, thank your lucky starts that there’ll soon be an end to it. Yes, you could have fought for more over the years but perhaps a small financial sacrifice has been better than ongoing aggravation?

    However, if he has historically been inconsistent, paying late or not at all, then hand it over to the agency to collect.

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