Control in the bedroom…..

[Healthyarchive]

I would be grateful for your views please, I apologise in advance for graphic content…. we had a good sex life, there were never any concerns for me, I,ve mentioned on here before how he would not initiate sex later into the relationship but would lay back with his hands behind his head sort of waiting for me to make a move, I didn’t pay much attention to that although it made me feel needy. He acted as bit like an arrogant king. I remembered today how he would bring me to orgasm & then immediately before, would stop, saying it will give me more pleasure, it didn’t, I didn’t like it & it ruined my experience. I wonder if this was abusive on his part, he was controlling my body & what I could & couldn’t experience. 😟

[Anonymous]

That is a complicated one, I am not sure of the answer, maybe if you told him he ruined it by stopping and he still persisted in doing it then yes he it could be seen as exerting a form of control whether that would be classed as abusive or not I really would not know. It is distinguishing whether he was using the stopping as a away of depriving you of that final act of pleasure or whether that has just become part of his sexual appetite and it is a habit he finds hard to stop?.

[Serenity]

My ex used to do that too- stop just before.

I k is it was to frustrate and punish me. That act of control. X

[Confused123]

Hi

I too think they do on purpose to control us sexually, yet when they want it and want to continue then there is no stopping them , this may be sound bad but I did that to my ex a few times to teach him a lesson for doing it to me but as always he just upped the abuse in anaother way, waste of time teaching them a lesson u get more grief long term , better to just walk AWAY

[Healthyarchive]

Thanks for your comments.

[Suntree]

Healthyarchive

The bits that stood out in your post was you told him you didn’t like and it destroyed the experience for you when he would edged and then ruined your orgasm, and he ignored you and decided for you what was best for you, that is abuse. It was not consensual simple.

He was initiated sex, the signal was him lying back with his hands behind his head waiting for you to serve him. Which I take took a while of subtle “training” of him to you so you didn’t realize what was going on. That with the ruined orgasm that is a very good way of controlling the body and head messing, without the needing consent. Let alone acknowledging the damage it can do both physically and mentally.

As you didn’t understand or agree to any of that then it is simply abuse.

[Healthyarchive]

Thank you for your comments Suntree. I don’t think I was very assertive, he did things that I didn’t like or he would ruin my pleasure & sometimes I would keep quiet & not say what I thought which I guess didn’t help. He was a total adonis in bed but boy did he know it. I tried to tell him several times, great sex is OK, for a while, but most women are more turned on by a partner who is kind,open,trustworthy etc (all of the things he wasn’t ), he was a 1 trick pony, great in bed but that was about it.

[Author]

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