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I posted on here a few weeks back following a horrible ordeal my husband put me through. (detail removed by moderator) the behaviour has started again…he said he was working so I arranged to go out with a friend and our children..he was furious that I had done this as a pose to just sitting at home awaiting his return (as I usually would) he said that (detail removed by moderator). He said he’d be home for a certain time and asked me to be home for that time so we could get on with our day promptly. I explained that I might not be back exactely then as this specific event was on all day and I didn’t want to rush but I wouldn’t be too much longer. He rang me so many times whilst I was there questioning how long is be that he was waiting at home for me. This made me feel on edge and stressed the whole time I was out and I just couldn’t relax and enjoy myself clock watching and making sure I missed no calls. He was really angry shouting and screaming when I got home that he was right I didn’t want to do anything with him because I didn’t seem happy to see him ( result of being bombarded with calls and stressed trying to get back asap.) We went out for afternoon and he mocked me and my children about where we went all morning ..swore in front of kids and drank vodka which he’s not supposed to do as has a drinking problem…I’m so worn out I’ve had such a s**t day..I feel so trapped and unhappy just don’t know what to do anymore I’m cracking up. Xx
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You’re absolutely right it’s controlling and nasty. Abuse always gets worse. Are you in contact with women’s aid? They were a fantastic support for me. You need all the help you can get to leave the situation. For your own health and that of your children. He chooses to behave this way. My ex was the same and in the end I became agoraphobic. Too scared to leave the house yet trapped there with a monster which was his goal from the beginning. Don’t let it get to that stage. If you feel threatened at all ring 999 and let the police deal with him.
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Thanks kip I’m not in touch with anyone from the help lines or local womens aid organisation as I just feel so ashamed that this is happening. I’m in denial..but it’s bad and been going on years..this has become my normal…even though I know it’s not… I just always feel I can’t leave because of one reason or another I make excuses and constantly put on a brave face and sweep it all under the carpet. I have spoken to my gp and friends I also have kept a diary for the past 3 years and managed to record him shouting at me over the last few weeks. Xx
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I would encourage you to speak to Women’s Aid too. They are so very good and will understand. Your feelings are completely understandable and normal but you have nothing for which to feel ashamed. These manipulative men have a great role to play in our feelings of guilt, shame etc. It’s all manipulation and abuse. You’re in a strong position if you’ve done all those things and it sounds like you are really ready to leave. Speak to WA and don’t be afraid to call the police if he escalates. It’s an awful situation and you need to put your needs first (and those of your children) now. No one should have to put up with this and you don’t need to make excuses anymore. You’ve put up with so much and there are so many feelings that come with that which is why it’s important to get out so you can start being the person you are as opposed to the person he’s manipulated you into being through his need to establish control. Stay safe, be kind to yourself, seek the wonderful advice of WA and keep posting x
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Thank you beauty marked…I know i need to get out as a priority now… my head feels as though its whirling with emotions of fear mainly..the unknown.. i have left numerous times and each time he has bombarded me with so much love and so many promises and painted the ideal picture of how life will be but nothing ever changes permanently i always end up back in this unhappy place. I feel that everyone around mw thinks im pathetic for going back time after time but its so hard to break away and stay gone even though its all i want more than anything, peace and quiet, to be in control of my own life, to be able to enjoy my time without feeling on edge and being bombarded with calls and messages. He also constantly makes me commit to future plans such as holidays, weekends away with his family, tries to make me get a dog or a cat..i think this is his way of making me stay put. He also consistently asks me for sex, which i cant bear due to how my feelings have changed towards him..this is what upsets me the most..he will not drop it and recently kicked off so badly smashing the house up when i said i wasnt in the mood. He is the victim of me apparently because he now feels insecure because i dont want sex, ..he always is the victim of everything and life revolves around him. Always has. He has openly said if i ever get with anyone else there will be trouble and there will be trouble if i ever get a new partner near the kids. hes so dominating its scary. I feel if i tried to take legal action against him it would be pointless as he would just manipulate and charm everyone as he always does. xx
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hi ladies. been there with this situation. my friends turned their backs on me because it got thar way i wouldn’t go out it wasnt worth the grief i would get when i was out or id cime home to him stinking wrotten drunk (lots of other abuse too). im lucky there was no kids involved. if i went out shopping in his eyes it gave him the green light to go out drinking. alcohol has a lot to answer for it enables them to lie, thieve, mentally emotionally physically abuse also in my case cheat. i snapped i threw him out after month’s of suffering his vile abuse i took him back numerous amount of times until it got to the point i was seriously considering taking my own life thats how much i had enough. i am struggling with coming to terms with things i have now got things in place helping me move on. this forum has saved me. bottom line alcohol will always come first the abuse will never stop unless WE put a stop to it. i am having a bad day today but one thing is for sure if i was still with him my day would be a MILLION times worse.. they never change they wont change they can’t change.. be strong reach out if you can get out big hugs
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Oh Ariana I really feel for you, this sounds exactly like my life but I was stupid enough to give it “yet another go” & low and behold we are back here again. I went out (detail removed by moderator) to meet a friend and her baby and another friend ( who is single) and of course I came home to the silent treatment, lots of nasty comments which eventually by evening, despite me staying out of the way escalated into being pushed, slapped and grabbed by the hair. I stupidly retaliated and pushed and slapped him back to then be told he will lose me my job.He says I am a control freak as I shout when we row ( so does he) and that that was my last chance. Apparently if I don’t like the way he treats me I should just f*** off as I know where the door is but be warned he is going to destroy me. Tbh I am a complete nervous wreck.i overthink everything. When I have any time off and he is not there all I do is clean/cook and do jobs round house ( only to be told it’s s**t and I don’t do a proper job of it) To make things worse we are supposed to be going on holiday (detail removed by moderator)…couldn’t think’ of anything worse now. I am waiting for counselling( been waiting 6 months now- as I felt like ending it all and have been having severe panic attacks. Why don’t I just leave? He has only worked (detail removed by moderator) weeks this year and after having a grand total of 8 whole dats to myself he jacked his job in, which isn’t his fault apparently Can’t really answer that- too scared? I am told he will find me, make my life a misery ( already is) destroy me, lose me my job, hurt my family, punch people I work with. Is unbelievable how they get away with it and it does not even register on their conscience. Hope you are ok? Have you thought about going on the online chat? I’ve just seen this but is only between 12-2. How do your children cope with this? Mine are grown up now and I always thought my youngest was unaffected by us…how wrong was I. Now he is a young adult and completely screwed up, has anxiety and trust issues ( starting to be obsessive and possessive like his dad) it is heart breaking and I know it is all my fault as I allowed it to happen and didn’t leave. Still haven’t left now, what a pathetic excuse I am. You sound like you are really strong and determined, stay strong and keep posting.
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