Controlling Husband.

[Louise118]

Hi everyone I’m new to the forum. I have been with my husband (detail removed by Moderator)years, married for (detail removed by Moderator)years and have (detail removed by Moderator) teenager kids. I had a light bulb moment the other day. I went to see my private doctor regarding menopause and also spoke to her about my relationship I have with my husband. I explained just a few situations where my husband has been controlling and emotional abusive. Nice guy at times then mean guy the rest of the time. Doctor said its not a healthy relationship. Omg I have been living the last (detail removed by Moderator) years in at times a controlling and emotional abusive relationship. I want to leave him but really scared. (detail removed by Moderator) years!

[Butterfly-A]

Hi Louise,

I too, am currently in a very controlling / manipulative relationship so I fully relate to what you may be experiencing.

I also noticed that my husband is very good at making the way he treat me seem ‘normal’ and all for my good. This, as I imagine similar to yourself, made it very difficult to understand that it was actually abusive.

But after you see it, it’s really hard to stop.

I am not yet out of the situation (feel really deep in still tbh) however I have found something that helps is making a private note of all the things he says to me / makes me do / makes normal.

At times, I think im going mad and its all made up in my head but conveniently, his behaviour grounds me every time as the control comes back through.

I have no advice on how to leave. But I do know how honestly impossible it feels. I guess your Dr may have offered you some services? Take them! take all the help you can manage at this time!

Its time to find yourself again,

BA xx

[Louise118]

Hi Butterfly A. Oh my. Yes we are both in a similar situation. Like you I thought our relationship was normal.  Far from it.
All these years in a emotional abusive and controlling relationship. Staying with my husband because of the children which has had a negative effect on them. My oldest son showing his dads trates with his girlfriend. My daughter having a abusive boyfriend and keep going back to him.

Like you I have been making notes.

Like you I think I’m going mad and all in my head then the control comes back. When you have lived with abuse and controlling it become normal. Tomorrow I have a therapist appointment at 9.15 then a solicitor ringing me at 11.

I have appointment with my doctor on 14th October. I’m feeling strong today. Might feel completely different tomorrow.

How are you managing? Have you got family and friends to support you? Thank you so much for messaging me. We are not alone. I love your saying You need to find yourself again. Coming back at you. Louise

 

[Sad and alone]

I have been with my husband many many years and as you say when you look back there are lots of incidents and occurrences that you can now see are controlling. I was married young and took his lead and fell into the rhythm of basically doing what I was told. He made all the decisions. I feel particularly manipulated regards my working life – not allowed to change jobs and then not allowed to keep a job and then just not have a job. Then I have to hear how he got us where we are today through his hard work. So many other things. And now just awful times.

I too went to my GP about something and disclosed what had been happening. They gave advice and led to be seeing someone at the local DA centre. But that’s as far as I’ve got. And it was ages ago now. I feel like I’ve lost the impetus of leaving. When I say I want to leave it never leads to anything. He gets mad if I say I want to go. Even though half the time he’s shouting that he wants me to get out. Makes no sense other than another form of control. I feel like I would’ve left the last time but I couldn’t leave my little dog and I just felt so sad.

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