Controlling or just jealous?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

I have a question about my boyfriend. He is jealous of my male friend. He is my best friend of (detail removed by Moderator) years and spend a lot of time together. Unfortunately my boyfriend is very jealous of this and I had to stop seeing him as it caused such awful arguments. I went to see my friend (detail removed by Moderator), just for a walk for (detail removed by Moderator) mins. He started shouting at me so badly but i feel I havent done anything wrong. I’m not sure how I would feel the other way round though . But he has got so bad he has threatened to kill me snd strangle me which was scary. He doesnt understand that it isn’t right to say that.

Is this abusive behaviour. Or is it ok for him to feel this way

Hope you can help

[maddog]

Your boyfriend’s behaviour is terrible. He’s threatened to kill you. Believe him.

You’ve done nothing wrong. He wants Power and Control. There is nothing you can do about him. You weren’t there when he was growing up and you’re not his therapist. You can’t mend him.

Please do your best to get out of the relationship, and although it sounds extreme at the moment, you could possibly save someone’s life by reporting his behaviour to the police, just so they have him on file. There is no need for him to know about it.

This behaviour is criminal. It is not ok for him to behave like this.

[gettingtired]

Absolutely not! Imagine the boot was on the other foot and he had a female friend he wanted to go for a walk with. Someone he had known for years longer than you. Would you threaten to kill him if he saw her? I dont think so.
The sad thing is we normalise this behaviour. I do it too. Maddog’s right, you need to start taking the steps to leave this man. You can always report him once you’ve left. I know it’s incredibly hard, I’m in the middle of it right now but you can do it. You’ve come here to ask so something obviously wasn’t right. Keep posting and I find it helps to read the forum for other posts and replies xx

[Catjam]

It will only get worse, you will end up isolated and reliant on them. I minimised his behaviour, justified it in my head as he is scared of loosing me, terrified I will cheat but you can’t win with their logic.

Next it will be an issue with a female friend, claims of you act different around them or they are encouraging you to misbehave. Then it will be family.

You need to walk away now because the longer you stay the harder it will be.

We all get jealous occasionally but I have never threatened to hurt anyone because of it.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

[Author]

Posts