Coparent with abusive ex

[ryusaki]

I left my partner (detail removed by Moderator) ago, he was abusive but I never pressed charges (wish I had now). I’m in a good place with my child, he has contact weekly (decided by Court definitely not me).

Only problem is I feel tense if anything medical happens with my child (if they get a cold, fall over get a bump, if they scratch their face in their sleep). They’re nearly (detail removed by Moderator) now so I know kids get bumps! But he talks to me as if I’m hurting my baby and I’m scared he’s going to report me to social services. I look after my child so well so I know social services wouldn’t find anything but I’m not sure how to react to him. I completely ignore any texts like that but should I speak to him about it? I’m scared to because of what he was like in our “relationship”. I’ve also noticed that he does things like this when it’s obvious that I’m going out for the day and not staying in like he wants to ruin my plans? He likes to send strange messages on holidays like Christmas and he ends up ruining nice times because I feel so tense and anxious when I read his texts.

[Mellow]

As someone who also has had to co parent sometimes I ignore malicious comments they do it to get a reaction.if he wants to contact s s let him !he most probably won’t but wants you to think that.if you really feel you need to say something do so but that dosent mean the behaviour will change in my experience it hasent made a difference. you would have to go back to court and explain to them contact is not working as you still feel abused .this is what I would do and try for supervision visits.he’s a bully.also you can explain to your kids you don’t like what he’s doing if they are old enough.i stopped contact with my ex as couldn’t stand the malicious comments

[ryusaki]

I stood up to him today and told him but you’re right I don’t think it will help. We’re staying at my parents tonight as I’m too scared to be home tonight just in case he comes round.

That’s good that court supported you, I found them horrific. My concerns were ignored but I think I will collect evidence of bullish behaviour and see. I’m definitely not taking it anymore.

Thank you for replying x

[Mellow]

Hi court didn’t support me hun I decided not to go down that route I’ve not heard anything good about them.I’ve been making my own arrangements without courts involved but I was just explaining in your situation that you would have to go back which is rather annoying and costly..it’s not good you don’t want to go home cause of him definitely write a diary and seek further advice what people don’t know is any orders made can be changed

[StrongLife]

I too have experienced similar txts and long emails and other such contact which basically has nothing to do with kids. I replied but then after a long time never replied- kids were older I no longer needed that type of garbage.

Now I take no garbage from men. I up and leave – it’s basically instantly.

They use kids as an excuse to continue on and you are stuck with abusive ex contacting you and making life garbage. I realised what my life had turned into after a short while

[Author]

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