Coping strategies

[Liquorice]

Soes anybody else do things they know they shouldnt to help? I take painkillers all the time, plus other pick me ups,he says im a mess and i shouldnt need all these tablets to function but then i just take more!! Whats wring with me, why cant i stop it, i even show off about it and joke around with people, but really i hate what im doing. He is right, im a useless mess

[Iwantmeback]

Hi liquorice, fir a while I drank too much, I even started drinking a bottle of wine during the day, mix that in with my painkillers, to say it was a bad idea is an understatement. I put a stop to it, sneaking a drink because he wanted me to stop drinking and I wanted him to stop hurting me so much wasnt the answer. I no longer drink, not because of him, but because I’m better than that.
I cant stand the smell of wine now, never mind drink it😊
You’re not a useless mess, trust me. It’s your way of sticking two fingers up at him, who’s he to tell you what you can and can’t do. But you’ll stop when you realise, it doesn’t stop the pain. The more we take pain killers the more we rely on them to take pain away. We end up with withdrawal headaches, so need more pain killers. It becomes a vicious cycle. It’s your crutch just now, don’t beat yourself up about it

[KIP.]

You’re not a useless mess you’re a victim of abuse. We cannot think straight when all our headspace is taken up by the confusion that comes with abuse. I look back now and can clearly see what I was doing was irrational and completely bonkers. Now I would never consider those things. I would pop paracetamol each night because when I lay down to try to sleep I would feel like I was falling off a cliff. Jump awake. Don’t know why I thought paracetamol would work. It’s was PTSD. My body and mind traumatised.

[Apricotpoppy]

Hi Liquorice , That is a horrible thing for him to say. He is wrong, you are not useless. You are a lovely woman who has been very poorly treated. The abusers thrive on our silence and shame, and pride ,they are very manipulative. The shame and fear feels awful but please keep reaching out. Keep posting Xx

[Apricotpoppy]

I did have a phase where once I had one glass of wine I just wanted more and more to feel relaxed and block it all out. But the more I drank the more the tears would come,then I would feel very sick.
So i had to stop. I drink a lot of tea now !
Am trying to look after myself now by doing exercise everyday so I can do my job and be strong for me and kids. Xx

[maddog]

My ex has gone which is only good. His solicitor has told him to communicate with me only by writing which is good.

When I try to practice simple things like breathing instead of smoking I almost go into panic mode. At the moment the self-destruct button is firmly down.

I know by now that I am valued and that I am worth something. My emotions haven’t caught up. That’s the hard part.

Sorry to butt in Liquorice. I hope you are reaching out for all the real life support available.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi @Maddog, I’m glad to hear your news. I was wondering where you were🤗 we do what we do to cope dont we. Keep chatting I missed your input very much.

IWMB 💕💕

[Liquorice]

Thanks for all the replies it helps a lottle to know someone is listening,I finally answered yes to a lady that messaged me about a chat, took me a week mind so she may not want to now, bur cant beloeve i actually said yes!!! Hope i can go through with it this time, hate wasting peoples time when.i know they could be helping someone else.
Maddog smoke away, i b****y would if i thought he wouldnt catch me out, a little crutch everyone has said, work on cutting back slowly rather than just letting go i guess x*x

[diymum@1]

Hi everyone ☺

I felt with dealing with DA it was just relentless, the jibes not knowing what would happen next. What would he do next to hurt me. No wonder we need a crutch at times were only human. I’m in pain most days and sometimes I would take painkillers to help me stay calm and get some sleep. We do what we have to do to get through sometimes ☺I hope you are okay xx 💕 💕 DIY

[maddog]

You are not wasting anyone’s time Liquorice. I used to think that everyone had bigger problems than I did. I didn’t really think I existed. Drinking and smoking are still my crutches, and in truth I would prefer to be able to breathe and get things done. Be part of the world. The draw of that terrible cold big rock to crawl back under is so strong, hideous as it is.

[Halfwayout]

Hi Liquorice, we’re not a mess we are just in a mess, I reckon he would belittle you if you were a Saint. Unfortunately, wine is my weakness, at the lowest point it was every night, its a long weekend now. I do intend to have a dry month once I’m out but for now its a release, my OH see’s it as a pleasure, one that he is jealous of and felt the need to poor it down the sink, he also removed my candles.
I will admit, I hate the winter and the dark nights, in the summer I cope with cycling and walking for hours just to get away. Hang in there! xx

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