Coping while still living with abuser

[Hetty]

I’m still living with my emotionally abusive husband. I’m making plans to leave. It’s emotionally exhausting going through the process, exploring options while still trying to appease him. I can’t wait to be away.
In the past I’ve told him I want to leave but he won’t compromise with me so it’s completely pointless. As I try to avoid him as much as possible and I don’t respond to his long ranting messages I’m being accused of “ghosting” and recently he demanded I reply to his message saying I was abusing him! Please ladies, help me find some strength. Meanwhile I’m managing being a mother, dealing with a school issue and working full time. He’ll be pestering me for sex soon.

[KIP.]

Just keep your eyes on the prize. Try to block it out and keep making your exit plan. Get out physically as much as you can. Is there somewhere you can stay at short notice if you need to leave. The sex is soul destroying. My skin crawled and when I think how I was coerced just so he wouldn’t kick off and knowing he knew this too is beyond belief.

[Raindays]

I feel exactly the same especially as Christmas is coming up really feel like running away but I can’t for the kids.
I can’t do much to help you but I can sympathise with you 💜 x*x

[Hetty]

Raindays, totally dreading Christmas. Everyone else is full of joy and I feel dead inside. Going through the motions. No joy, not even any stress re Christmas either. Just numb and nothing. Story of my life with this man. He spoils everything and I’m depleted of any optimism.
Kip, there’s nowhere I can go really unless it became violent in which case I could stay with a family member as a last resort. Friends ask me to meet up but he’ll whinge an moan. I’ve got a medical appt and he’s complaining about being in an empty house. He suffocates me.

[KIP.]

When you go for your medical appointment can you go alone and plan something nice afterwards. A nice coffee and a huge piece of cake. A file and polish. A movie at the cinema. Meet up with a friend. It’s important he doesn’t isolate you. You need these friends to build a better life x

[lover of no contact]

Also can you do one thing a day towards your plan to leave. That could be to declutter any clothes, books, paperwork, ornaments etc and photos. And visualize his stuff gone out of your house with you living in the house without him and his stuff. This always helped me not feel too stuck. Also posting on here and reading the posts can be counted as the “one thing a day towards the plan to leave”. That’s 364 things towards the plan to leave after a year which should get things moving in the “leaving “ and “the extricating ourselves from them direction”

How do you eat an elephant? Bit by bit:)

[Hetty]

Thanks so much. I’ve been de cluttering and moving ahead with my plans. I’m getting financial advice tomorrow to see if I can get a mortgage when I leave. I’ve applied for housing and busy sorting all the paperwork for that. God how I wish he’d leave me and be fine with it but I’m not that lucky x

[Author]

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