This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Cecile 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #97222
     iliketea 
    Participant

    Has anyone been in this position? I’ve got to that place where I want it ended. Its got to end for the sake of the children and my mental health. I have young children so want to try and stay in the family home for a time to give them stability, 6 months or a year. But after meeting with my IDVA I’ve realised that trying to exit is going to cost a lot of money. Call me naive but I never realised this would cost me. This is domestic abuse, emotional abuse, its affecting my mental health and my children. I don’t understand how I should be penalised for wanting, needing, for it to end. The IDVA never said that previously. She’s been pushing for me to do this for (detail removed by moderator) months now. She’s just told me that a domestic abuse hearing is usually £3k and I “probably” won’t qualify for Legal Aid. I am not on the deeds of the home but do own a small rented out property which is what she’s basing it on. And that even if you get Legal Aid, it is only a loan and you are expected to pay it back. I’m seeing a solicitor next week but in the meantime I was interested in the costs. I thought that domestic abuse was a crime so why do you pay for the legal side of it?

    I realise everyone’s situations are different, but what was the financial cost for you of becoming single? Whether you were unmarried or married or exiting abuse or just ending an unhappy relationship, you don’t need to say which, I just mean to cover everyone. I’m not really looking for a discussion about the fairness, or not, of the system. What was the cost of exiting abuse versus just leaving with the children (and I guess just trying to arrange child contact), or divorcing with children? I’m wondering if I should try and end things in a different way. If abuse hearings are so costly, why/how does anyone ever do anything to escape? Of course if you accuse a (detail removed by moderator) of abuse they are going to want their time in the spotlight aren’t they? It gives them an arena to grandstand, to accuse you of being mad etc etc. Depressing. Thank you.xx

  • #97230
     siba 
    Participant

    Oh yep it costs thousands! In fact, being a typical (detail removed by moderator), my husband felt that i should pay for all his solicitor fees as well as mine because i’m the one wanting the divorce not him! Basically I’m led to believe it’s going to cost anywhere from 5-10k. And if he won’t agree on anything and forces me to go to court then that costs up to 15k each time it goes to court. I know one woman whose costs went to 80k!!! But that’s very rare apparently and her husband was a banker so he didn’t care about costs, it was just about making her life hell.

  • #97239
     iliketea 
    Participant

    I’m not married so I thought it would be easier. But seems not when you have children and want to stay in the home for a short time for their sakes.

  • #97271
     Coolbreeze 
    Participant

    Absolutely anything concerning solicitors costs money and if you add the court then it’s a steep rise on top.
    A straightforward divorce with both agreeing to everything, is around £1200 (plus court fee which is the same for everyone and that’s payable by the person starting the divorce as I understand it). You can start the process yourself all the details are on the give website. If you have any kind of assets that pretty much rules you out from legal aid – I didn’t know it was a loan effectively.
    But it’s the disagreements over money in my case that will end up costing me most.
    Personally, I think this is one of the reasons why women endure years of abuse because they simply cannot get away without becoming practically destitute.

    I really hope you can find a better solution for yourself and children.

  • #97286
     Cecile 
    Participant

    Yep it’s all about money. He is still trying to abuse me financially even as I divorce him. And I can’t go yet until the money is settled legally. It goes on and on and on. Everyone seems to be in the same boat.

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