13th December 2015 at 11:59 am #6119Falling SkysParticipant
Could I have over the last few years forgotten so many things my adult son says he told me or is he gas lighting like his father?
I do know to survive the last few years, I’ve kept out of the house as much as possible, not getting involved in things to do with my abuser or the children as they were always used as sticks to beat me with and on heightened alert when in doors.
But I’m sure that I would remember some things if not everything.
He has sided with his father, but though it hurts he fooled me for decades so how can I be cross with his for being fooled like I was?
I can’t give any details of things as they would know it was me.
13th December 2015 at 6:27 pm #6131Midnight MarblesParticipant
Hi falling sky
If it helps my memory is dreadful and everyone tells me it is, I think because of so many issues my brain can’t manage it all and I am so often distracted.
That said I’m usually aware of some things and you know your boy best. One of mine I’m sure would join in with dad, the other I know wouldn’t.
How about writing down the main points of conversations you have with him to give yourself something concrete to check.
Dig a little deeper if possible, when did you tell me? What were we doing? OR just ignore it if you think his dad is behind it.
Hope that helps a little, so confusing!
13th December 2015 at 9:33 pm #6139Twisted SisterParticipant
Hello Falling Skys
doubting yourself over this might be wasting much needed energy? On the one hand, yes its possible i suppose that you’ve heard lots and not been able to remember it when in the midst of it all, but i find it difficult to believe tbh, especially as you say how sure you are you would remember, and i think you would because of the impact on you emotionally of hearing this stuff and you also say he’s sided with his father, and could have picked up some of his tactics, but he might believe he did tell you these things, even if he didn’t actually say the words, but kids often believe that people know when they don’t, perhaps?
I still don’t believe myself or even others above his voice inside my head still challenging my own self-belief (lack of), so i would suggest putting all your energies into just listening to yourself and dealing with the situation from that basis. Telling him you clearly don’t remember, but thats not because you don’t care and are very much want to hear what he’s been through, and giving him the chance to sit and talk it through with you so that you hear it all without comment, then he will know that you want to and think its important to give that to him, and move passed the point of whether you heard it or not first time round, just don’t let him wear you down over it, because if he’s that bothered about being heard he’ll want you to hear, rather than emotionally beat you for apparently ‘not hearing’ before?
Good luck – i think it might be an opportunity to make a positive step forward for you in taking control of these situations for yourself and feeing confident to handle it, brushing away any emo blackmail in future?
warmest wishes KS
17th December 2015 at 8:16 am #6263Falling SkysParticipant
Thank you MM & KS
I do now keep a log of things, I will just say I’m sorry your going to have to repeat what you said as I was in a bad place when you told me the first time. From the way he reply’s I will know if he was lying or not.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.