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    • #134398
      White walls
      Participant

      Hi I have been to numerous Councellor’s recently & find myself getting really cross and frustrated inwardly with them.
      I dont say that to them, I appreciate they are trying to help but after disclosing Domestic abuse they advise me to discuss with him.
      Ask Have I considered Marriage Councelling (already done it)

      Told me I’m not ready to leave.

      Well not told me but I feel lead me to that conclusion as I know they can’t tell you what to do.
      I even suspected one was advising me not to leave to keep me in Councelling.

      I wish a Councellor could explain how to break the trauma bond.I feel non specialise in this area of domestic abuse and Iv been trying for years to find good one.

      Mom of my family or friends are very supportive so I badly need a Councellor’s support.

      Can anyone recommend one that I could call? Not sure if that is possible on here.

      Sorry got the rant but I’m realky starting to think I may just have to depend on myself which makes this so so hard as I have zero confidence

      Thank you

    • #134433
      Chickadee
      Participant

      Hi –

      Don’t feel bad, your feeling and reacting this way because these are not the people to help you, you need an abuse/trauma specialist.

      Here are a few references –

      http://www.pschologytoday.com Trauma and PTSD Counseling in England.

      http://www.counseling-directory.org.uk Psychological Trauma

      http://www.complextrauma.uk Sexual, Physical, Emotional Trauma, PTSD.

      Not sure what abuses you suffered, but hope this gets you to the right person to support and help you.

      Lots of Love, Chickadee

      • #134444
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        Hey, have you tried any of these Chickadee?
        The Complextrauma looks like a good one, but I went for counsellors from counseling directory who had ’emotional abuse’ and ‘trauma’ experience, they had absolutely no experience and were a waste of time and money.
        I totally understand where your coming from White Walls.
        Even my therapist from my local Domestic Abuse services wasn’t 100% experienced on things like the trauma bond.
        I think the best thing is to have the initial call with them and ask them what they know about eg the trauma bond, You need to interview them to make sure they actually know their stuff.
        It’s exhausting though and I wish it was easier.
        Therapists can really do damage when they do not understand abuse
        x*x

    • #134479
      N-Survivor
      Participant

      I agree with Eyesopening. Very few therapist would actually specialise in trauma. I have looked at so many directories and they list every condition under the sun. I think the field for specialist trauma recovery isn’t that developed yet. And having done some research in the field trauma recovery starts from the body most of all, reconnecting with our body’s sensations. Group activities where you can sync (become in tune) with other people help. Yoga, singing, dancing, capoeira, to mention a few.

      Pete Walker’s book on cPTSD is amazing. Also Bessel van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps the Score.

      What I would look for in a counsellor is EMPATHY. So simple but coming from an abusive background it’s not something we have been exposed to or have managed to cultivate for ourselves. An empathetic person would be able to let you ventilate and validate your experiences. They will give you the blueprint of how to show yourself compassion.

      Have your free call and see what their experience is. See if they can comment on n********tic abuse. Good luck!

      • #134481
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        Thats really interesting, I recently posted about Shiatsu being an absolute life saver in my recovery.
        But i had 6 therapy sessions before this which was totally needed.
        I agree we definitely need that empathy and someone to validate us, I wouldn’t replace it with the shiatsu but have both for sure.
        After therapy it was kind of just opening old wounds that i kind of had enough of talking about. So to then heal through your body seems to be an amazing amazing gentle and pain free way x*x

    • #134573
      White walls
      Participant

      Thank you for all your advice it is so appreciated.
      I’m trying to leave but I still love him so much so much history together.

      I will look at these and try some.

      Isn’t it crazy that for such a common there issue has such little specialist help.
      Makes me want to train up if I ever get out.

      But then again it may be too much to hear. Which may be why there arent many.

      Thank you 🙏

    • #134591
      Secretlife
      Participant

      I think unless you’ve experienced domestic abuse yourself it’s very hard to understand what it actually feels like. I saw a highly qualified person and spent a large amount of money. Their advice to me was “to make the most of the good times as he will never change” – appalling advice, I now realise after joining this forum.

      • #134601
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        So true and that’s so bad.. it is sad how difficult it is to find people to talk to. This is why this forum, WA and my local DA services were my life savers. xx

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