Counselling

[Ilikechicken]

I am trying to get some money together for counselling. I think it would help as I keep finding I am in an on the way to feeling a bit myself but get knocked back. I am just worried this could be used against me and the kids as I am unsure if it has to go on drs records? Has anyone found counselling has made a difference.

[fizzylem]

Please dont let it stop you accessing support if you need this; if you go through the GP you can request that there are no notes made on your medical record, other than ‘attended’. Although, I found that it would have been better if the notes had recorded the abuse later on. If you don’t want it on your medical record at all, so you can choose whether or not to present this info later, you could go to a charity for it or get it privately.

I found I needed the support; feel I couldnt have overcome things without it; it doesnt matter what approach the therapist practices, but what you do need is someone with 7 years minimum experience of working with domeastic abuse and trauma.

Take your time, find the best therapits for you and it will pay you dividends; research shows us that when there is a strong therapeutic match between the client and the therapist the outcomes will be greater; see 3-4 for an initial consulation first before making up your mind, will help you to work out what it is you are looking for. The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy have a guide on their website re ‘how to choose your therapist’, tells you what sort of questions you need to answer x

[Ilikechicken]

Thank you so much for that advice I hadnt considered trying a few initial consultations. I am worried about the cost as I feel it maybe something I need for a while in order to help with some coping strategies as I have to have contact with an abuser. Is there any charities that I should look at specifically? or is a dr the best first contact. I have put off seeking a counselling as I am worried it would show on a fact find for future custody the ex may attempt, but feel it would really help now.

[Aliceinwonderland]

I did intensive counselling and it was exactly what I needed. It gave me validation and made me realise I wasn’t crazy,I was abused. It’s completely confidential and can’t be used against you. If anything it supports the fact that you are taking responsibility for your mental health which is just as important as your physical health. I paid mine privately and have absolutely no regrets. The support on here has been great too and well needed. Just remember you are not alone and you don’t need to do this on your own, get all the support you can. And good luck.

[Cecile]

I have looking for a counsellor for months now. I waited and waited for a reply from the local women’s aid and sadly they don’t recommend specific people. So just went to the BACP website tonight after reading these posts (thanks fizzy) and thought …now why didn’t I do this before! I was going to ask what type is best but I see the answer is above,,, fizzy says it doesn’t matter, it’s the relationship. I have saved some money I paper form for this. I am so desperate. This forum is a life line. BTW as long as the person you see is accredited, ILC, the fact they are on GP notes is seen as a strength, imo. It shows you have insight into your needs, and maturity. I am hoping to this privately but will get it on my health notes. (I don’t have children, though).

[Ilikechicken]

Thank you I didnt think of it as a positive too worried it would be used against me. I have booked to speak to my dr to see if he can suggest anywhere as I have had a look and my local one is £55 per 30 min session and as I have court fees I doubt i could afford more than a couple of sessions. Would it cbt therapy that you did? Or more emotion focused therapy?

[fizzylem]

Hi LC, as a guide therapy is around 40-60 an hour; but if you are on a low income then the good therapists offer what is called a sliding scale; means they leave a couple of slots every week available to those on low income to pay much less; they take the view it’s a salary, its take home per week – they do not try to get what they can from eveyone, they are fully aware of how difficult it can be to access quality therapy, which is why they offer this. Anyone not offering a sliding scale is a good way of weeding out those not as good as their claims, are in it for the money and to be avoided. Any good therapist does not want money to impact on the process or the relationship negatively. So dont let the fee put you off at all, when you call ask if he/she offers a sliding scale for those on low income – and if they say no, then say thanks anyway and move onto the next.

Yes, absoluetly it is the relationship that heals and the therapists knowledge and experience of working with trauma and abuse x

[fizzylem]

30 mins a week doesn’t sound right to me – you could go twice a month as well if that helps but I would suggest weekly sessions for the first half maybe at least – until twice a month feels right – but do talk about this with the therapist.

It feels like a huge cost when embarking on it, but once you find the right therapist and get into it you end up feeling it is money well spent, is needed, it feels good to be looking after yourself in this way, leaves you feeling I value therapy and myself.

This is why it’s so v important to spend time finding the right person for the job – because it is a lot of money, but also this is your mental health, you are paying for a service so it needs to help/work – your therapy should feel right and that you are getting something from it ‘every’ session; if you feel it’s not helping then you are not with the right therapist. Ask yourself from the get go – am I getting what I need here? You need to feel the therapist is meeting a number of needs in you.

Its a bit like finding a friend really, some people we just dont click with, others we do and these people become our friends; although this person is not your friend, you are looking for a ‘good match’, you do need to feel you like him or her, she’s credible, is giving you what you need, helping you to work through and overcome things, are learning about yourself, is this person someone I aspire to be like? Does she offer me good guidance using the latest research? x

[Anonymous]

I’m having counselling via my job’s employee assistance program. The lady I have is a dv specialist. Not sure it’s helping at all tbh.

[fizzylem]

Then it’s highly likely she’s not the right therapist for you then Landy; there is no one person that can help everyone who has experienced DA; it’s a bit like finding the best shoe for your foot, everyone’s feet are slightly different and we all have personal tastes, so we each need a different shoe to the next person.

Usually therapy doesn’t work because there wasn’t a therapuetic match or it is not the right time, it will either be one or the other. Can we assume you did not choose your therapist here then? That she was allocated to you? Always works better when we choose our own therapist – and there really is a lot of research out there on this – unfortunately, the NHS and other organisations do not take this into consideration because it can be a logistical nightmare to organise, say if it’s EAP, there may be one counsellor for all staff, it can help but what is achieved will be much less than when working with someone you find to be a good match.

Although you are perfectly wihin your rights to ask to see someone else in the NHS and they do have to refer you to someone new, but they dont tell you that do they – because they dont want everyone doing it!

It wont be ‘counselling’ not helping you here Landy – it is the therapist not helping you. Another therapist and you would get a different result.

[fizzylem]

Also had another thought Landy, it might be beneficial to you if you could tell this therapist that you feel it’s not really helping – and explore why this is – often some really good therapeutic work can come from doing this – and if not, then she may be able to help by referring you to some one else x

[Escapee]

Hi ILC

My therapist is connected to this organisation. She has a private practice too. I have been lucky enough to have had several months of support due to reduced fees. As I’m currently unable to work I only have to pay £5 towards each session.

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I hope this helps you xx

[Cecile]

Hi does any one know what EMDR is?

[fizzylem]

Hi C, it’s time limited trauma therapy; and linked to CBT principles – it’s what they offer on the NHS for trauma, but only if you have leftt the relationship and there is no risk of harm to you by him or the self. Some people find it helpful, it may give you one or a few pieces of the jigsaw. Some people can’t access private therapy, so may go for EMDR, followed by CBT or some counselling on the NHS because it is free and thus accessible. It isn’t a miracle cure, if it helps then great, but you will also need to find other people, therapies, services, lifestyle choices that also help x

[fizzylem]

Hi C, it’s time limited trauma therapy; and linked to CBT principles – it’s what they offer on the NHS for trauma, but only if you have leftt the relationship and there is no risk of harm to you by him or the self. Some people find it helpful, it may give you one or a few pieces of the jigsaw. Some people can’t access private therapy, so may go for EMDR, followed by CBT or some counselling on the NHS because it is free and thus accessible. It isn’t a miracle cure, if it helps then great, but you will also need to find other people, therapies, services, lifestyle choices that also help; worth a try if you get accepted for it x

[lover of no contact]

Al anon support groups are a wonderful group support and you just give a donation (price of a cup of coffee). They were a life-saver for me before I found this Forum. (detail removed by moderator). My abuser was a functional drinker and I thought he behaviour was due to the drink. At the stage I started in al-anon I didn’t realize he was an abuser. These groups were a fantastic support and a form of therapy I could afford as I didn’t have the money to pay for private Counselling.

[Cecile]

Yes I think I may have PTSD and a therapist suggested this treatment to me but as a private service, even though a I did not say I thought I had PTSD.

[Author]

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