13th February 2020 at 4:35 pm #97622PurpleHedgehogParticipant
As suggested I finally did something for me.
I felt like I had been struggling through a fog – I knew there was a light ahead but it kept disappearing as the fog shifted. So I thought a counselling might help.
I picked a counsellor with experience of domestic abuse and marital issues.
I wasn’t sure if we would “click” or not but after a phone call I arranged a first session.
She was super easy to talk to. It was like the worst case of verbal diarrhoea I have ever had!!
I couldn’t stop.
I realised that for years if I had ever spoken to anyone about my issues (financial abuse, jealousy, control issues with multiple calls or texts every day) I had been justifying his behaviours. I never wanted people to see things as an issue so I played along with his excuses.
I was panicked the first time I saw his behaviour as abusive. And then fumbled around wondering if he knew he was doing it. As if he didn’t know it wasn’t his fault. He is grown adult. Why did I still feel the need to justify it?!
I realised today that regardless of if he did or didn’t know it is HIS behaviour and HE is responsible. I also TOLD him categorically what he was doing and why I wanted out. He has promised to change.
I will wait and see but I now doubt it. I WILL give him a chance – I feel I owe him that much. But if he doesn’t there are no further chances. And I will NOT justify him to others any more. Ever.
Thank you all for your help and support so far – it turns out I am almost certainly in the right place here now.
Stay safe and much love to all
15th February 2020 at 10:28 am #97756LisaMain Moderator
That’s so good that you’ve started to speak about everything you’ve been going through and that you’re feeling supported. It sounds like you’ve got more clarity around everything which is great.
Keep posting, and remember there’s the chat if you ever need to talk anything through with a support worker,
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