counselling

[Rebuilding]

Just wanted to see if people thought counselling was affective post-abuse. Ive been looking into it for a while and I’m not sure. Also can anyone recommend any services that offer effective counselling.
I want to stop carrying this around on my back, I still feel like I’m running from him. I still feel love for him and I still miss him and I want it to stop. Would counselling help?

[Ayanna]

It depends. You need to find someone who is specialized in DV counseling. I have not found anybody yet who is affordable and the health service is not willing to support abused women. Ask the charities in your area whether they could help. I feel that the situation becomes increasingly worse.

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi rebuilding, yes I would definitely recommend counselling. For me that has meant dredging up a lot of abuse from past also, but I believe it’s all necessary to heal and protect from me further abuse. I have been in so much denial and brainwashed by abusers all my life, I’d never have worked it out alone. I would be sure to find specialised counselling that understands the dynamics of abusive relationships though or it could do more harm than good. Women’s aid and my local rape crisis organisation have been great in my area, but there is not the everywhere unfortunately. Good luck, I hope you find the support you (& we all) deserve xx

[Confused123]

hi hun

i cant recommend it enough, helps so much

[nayuki]

Hi
I started counselling and it’s fantastic. It helps to build up confidence, the lady is very nice and has good insight. We talk about all other problems I have as well, low self esteem and death of my close relative. It’s helpful and finally I feel someone cares about my problems.. someone other than my family (which had hard time after we lost one of us too fast..)
Try it, it’s really worth it!

[Ayanna]

I am being refused counseling. They lined me up for CBT. I now got the letter with the CBT material. I am not sure I can do this after reading it. It sounds as if I will be very retraumatized without any protection. I told them that I need longterm counseling, a very gentle approach. After going through the material I am very stressed out already. I am not sure why they do this. I might rather stay away from it. It looks very dangerous and life limiting to me.

[Copperflame]

I had specialist DV counselling while I was in refuge and I found it a great help. I feel I would like some more and am going to ask for some. A friend of mine is having counselling through CRASAC and finds it very good so I’m thinking of approaching them, because you get 26 weeks as opposed to 12 weeks which I had with the other organisation and it is dination based which means you pay what you can afford. Xx

[Herindoors]

Hi Rebuilding. I have been having counselling for some months now but I didn’t start it until over a year out. At first I was in a honeymoon period of being free, sorting out life etc…but then I realised I had this ‘thing’ I was carry around with me and felt this need to talk about it.
Its a long slow process but its really helping me. My counsellor has helped me relate back to my childhood, which wasn’t ‘normal’ and how it has shaped the person I became and how that meant I was vuneralbe to an abuser. The most important thing I have learnt is the power of your subconcious mind. We all make decisions without realising its our subconcious mind really making them. She is helping me work out what is in my subconcious and why, and how that influences me. So over time I am getting able to connect the concious and unconcious dots and make decisions that are better for me. She has also done some visualisation work with me. Taking me back to my child self for example so the adult self can tell the child that she is doing OK. Before I started counselling, if you’d talked to me about visulisation, I would have laughed. However its really powerful and something I can do quietly on my own when I am feeling like the child but need to feel like the adult again! She also taught me methods to turn down the volumne on negative narritives that run through my head. Literally visulisation a radio and turning down the volumne – simple but effective.
So those are just some examples of my experience, everyones will be differant, but I would highley recommend it 🙂

[Herindoors]

@Ayanna – I would consider giving the CBT a go. I know a few people who have had it and I have only heard positive things from them. If your CBT practitioner is good they will only take you as fast as you can handle. These people are trained to know when to be gentle and when to push a little harder. They will look after you but you need to trust them. I know that’s difficult when you have been through what you have been through, but you could always stop the sessions if they don’t work for you. Take care and good luck xx

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