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Hi,
I’m interested to hear your experiences of having counselling.
I have had some ‘person-centred’ counselling. I loved the sessions, the counsellor was great and I blurted out everything that was happening and felt lighter afterwards. However, my counsellor never said ‘you are experiencing abuse’, or ‘what he does is abuse’. Instead, she said things like ‘I hear you are feeling trapped/angry/upset, tell me more about that’.
I really felt the need to have her identify my experiences as abuse but I don’t think that was possible with this type of counselling.
Has anyone had some counselling where they have been able to do this? -
I had the same experience and from their professional perspective cannot put words into your mouth, but help you explore and decide for yourself.
Mine covered the wheel or healthy and unhealthy relationships but only identified that mine was indeed unhealthy.
You know your relationship is abusive as you have posted on here, and I relate entirely to your need to hear confirmation from someone else to validate how you feel,
I found ringing the WA helpline gave me this validation and getting support from local services did this too. I cried and it was a huge weight lifted just to be heard and for someone to say yes it’s abuse.
Keep going with the counselling but possibly look for someone qualified in abuse if that’s the main reason for therapy.
Take care
CB x
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Hi Lightbulbmoment,
I was referred by my GP for counselling with IAPT for depression last year, after a few weeks of talking to her she raised the subject about doing a safeguarding report for me, she also gently asked if I would like her to refer me for DA counselling, I didn’t even know my marriage was abusive but she did even though she didn’t specifically tell me that. I have been talking to a DA counsellor for a few months now and she has been a godsend, went through the cycle of abuse and power and control and she is staying with me until my divorce, she has given me so much strength. I would advise you that a specialist DA counsellor would be so beneficial to you. I have read some of your recent posts and think you’re incredibly strong already. Sending much love x*x
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Thank you Twitcher. That’s brilliant that the counsellor spotted the signs and referred you for specialist support. I will ask my GP what they can offer.
I hope things are moving forward for you – (smoothly, if that is at all possible!).
Divorce is such an isolating thing. Mix in an abusive partner and a lot of self-doubt and you have got a trainwreck of chaos.
Stay strong and believe in yourself xx -
I hope you find a counsellor that will help you to understand that it is abuse you have experienced LightbulbMoment even though its terribly hard to hear. Like Lifebegins said I too have been living with so many different forms of abuse for many years. I hope in the future and with support, time will heal our broken hearts and minds. ♥️ Be kind to yourselves ladies x*x
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Really glad to come across your post Lightbulbmoment as I’ve also been having person centred therapy, which has been amazing for me, but same as you the situation I’m in hasn’t been labelled. Although my therapist has referenced domestic violence and non mol orders etc without actually being direct or giving advice. I’ve recently understood that this type of therapy they can’t give specific advice and avoid labels (which can be really helpful, but comes with its difficulties like you say)
Like you, I feel the need to have it validated and labelled, but the style of therapy has allowed me to trust myself and see the behaviour for what it is.
It does feel like a long process but I guess these things take time, but I also wish I knew at the beginning what to expect a bit more in terms of different styles of counselling.
I’m finding keeping up my person centred therapy and also talking on here really useful. I’ve also found a local support group which I haven’t been to yet but I imagine that will be helpful.
Good luck!-
Thanks FL, great to hear your positive experiences. You hit the nail bang on when you said the therapy has allowed you to trust yourself and see the behaviour for what it is. Ultimately, I know what I experience is abuse but I can’t seem to let go of the need for external validation just yet!
It’s hard to unpick years/decades of gaslighting and manipulation and it’s reassuring to know that it is possible.
xx
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Hi LightbulbMoment,
To answer your question, yes I’ve had counselling via my local Womens Aid which has been absolutely brilliant – not sure if it’s available everywhere and what it’s actually called but it is definitely DV counselling.
Like Twitcher, we spoke about the cycle of abuse, recognising the different types of abuse (for some reason although I’d suffered every other type of abuse, I didn’t think I’d been financially abused despite being left in £000s of debt, such was my brainwashing!!!!!) as well as me talking about my experiences and from that drawing my own conclusions which were validated by the counsellor. As part of the support, we also looked at all different areas of my life i.e. safety, children, legal issues, money, health and well-being, self-esteem etc and how abuse had impacted them, evaluating where I was in relation to each at the time and identifying what support I needed and where I needed to get to in the future. I think we used what was called an Empowerment Star. It was really helpful at breaking things down into manageable chunks post separation (and perhaps pre-separation, if you’re getting all your ducks in a row).
To access this counselling, I called my local Womens Aid and I think I self-referred. It took about 2-3 months to start but has just been so instrumental in getting me to where I am today, I can’t speak highly enough of it xx
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Ive been seeing mine 2 years started off as i self harm but now its more about my husband.
We have tried meditation CBT EMDR and i cant do them im not comfortable i cant let go. But its ok she doesnt push now we just chat. Some days we try again one of the above but if it fails its ok. I find it hard I often sit in my car after and cry i find talking so hard im so determined not to cry be tough strong she encourages me to let go but its ok that i dont.
I think once you have found the right one its good. She is blunt honest open and thats what i need K dont want someone to beat around the bush she tells me hes abusive she says she doesnt know how i get up every day and one time i told her something he did she said she was so mad at him that he was disgusting. Its what i need to hear I need to know its not normal and she tells me that nothing is off limits we even shout sware scream its good. Some days i just sit as i cant find words and again thats ok.
Therapy should be personal to you no one size fits all approach.
Id say keep going keep trying it isnt nice it makes you turn inside out but Im certain it keeps me upright.
Good luck x -
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My current councilor has repeatedly told me its abuse.
She is a domestic abuse specialist but she did tell me week one.
I cried with relief that it wasn’t me and I wasn’t mad.
However I do worry that I have gasslighted her to validate my own reasoning. However I am beginning to notice what part of my brain is my partners voice and what is mine.
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