(detail removed by moderator) supervised visitation ruilings – is the child’s wellbeing considered?

[Ladybird79]

Hi, I have a very young son (detail removed by moderator) and have told my abusive ex (emotionally abusive and aggressive…’play’ hitting and violent threats towards me as well as complete untrustworthiness) that he can only see his son if he is supervised. My parents have so far helped with supervision but now my ex says he does not want to be supervised by them. He took out of context something my dad said during the last visitation and then used it as a reason to say he doesn’t want to be supervised by them anymore.

There is no one else to supervise because, as well as me wanting someone to do it who knows all the background and who I can trust, I want my son to be comfortable during the sessions and be with people he knows and feels safe around. He has not seen my ex for well over (detail removed by moderator) months (so he was basically still a tiny baby then) so while there may be a recognition of his father I cannot imagine, even if there were no abuse concerns, that he would be comfortable being left with him and no one else.(detail removed by moderator)

Because of this concern, I am even thinking of offering to supervise myself perhaps with my mum also. This is not ideal at all for me as I am afraid of what my ex could do to me (physically and emotionally) and also I feel even though my dad is over 70 he is a man. However, I would be willing to do this and be afraid (while doing it in a public place) to ensure I can remain some control on how visitation works best for my son.

I do however know that with my ex he will not be happy even if I do supervise for a while. The next thing he will be asking for is unsupervised visitation…but I feel more comfortable that as a general principle this may be upheld (detail removed by moderator)…at least until my son is older.

Would be grateful for any experiences.

Thanks

[WalkerInTheRain]

I don’t have any children but I have had the ‘pleasure ‘ of reading a CAFCASS report.
You are in a more favourable position if there is any evidence of abuse; police logs, doctors statements, non-mol’ order. All too often the man will deny any abuse and there’ll be a ‘finding of fact’ hearing where both sides get their say.
On balance, you have not denied visitation just merely placed some restrictions on caring for a very young child. HE has chosen not to continue with visitation. Wouldn’t most people put up with a bit of family politics to see their child?

Agencies can be a pain in the bum but they can also be an ally. The trick to dealing with them is to try and stay calm and focus on your child’s wellbeing.

I’m sure others can provide more guidance.

[Ribena]

I’m going through something similar at the moment as my children’s ex has supervised access only, and I’m the one supervising it as we have no family close by. It’s not ideal as given what’s happened over the years, I don’t really want to see him. However, he wants to see the children and they want to see him so I’m doing the best I can for my children. My ex has been pushing for unsupervised access and given his history I have refused it, even though he has parental responsibility. I have very strong reasons to refuse it. I would say stand your ground. If your son – and your parents – are happy to continue with the visits as they are, then I’d refuse to change it – for now at least. Ultimately, you are trying to keep their relationship going, and are acting in your son’s best interest. Personally, I’d advise against you supervising if possible. There is also the contact centre option but of course your son would be around people he doesn’t know.

[Ribena]

Oops, typo – children’s father not ex

[Ladybird79]

Thank you both. Ribena, yes I am trying to avoid doing the supervision as for one I am afraid. I feel a bit more reassured that they would hopefully do what is best for the child.

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