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Hi I’m at a total loss of where to turn. The father of my eldest is destroying my life with lies and slurs of my character. He has invented a a drug problem a mental health problem and operation anxiety and more which are putting my child at risk (needless to say it is all completely false therefore he has zero evidence for this but continues non the less with his campaign at every opportunity. I cannot communicate with him as he blames me for everything that my child does and always ends in abusing me. There is so much more but I cant write on here…could womans aid help me or do I need to look elsewhere I’m just so confused, he will end up having everyone believe his lies and I don’t know how to stop it…
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My ex is doing similar. These abusers stoop to below the bottom and don’t have a stop button. Perhaps they are like people with drug dependency when one is too many and 20’s not enough.
Please speak to Women’s Aid and contact your local branch. Leave a message and someone will call you back. Speak to your gp about what’s going on and let your child’s school know the situation.
It is a real turning point to start being believed. It is mind bending to have your self so gaslighted that you can’t think.
You are absolutely not alone and well done for posting here. You are in the right place. Once you start getting support in real life and start to articulate what has been happening to you, you can begin your journey of recovery.
You can’t stop his behaviour. You can go Grey Rock and have as little contact with him as possible. If you have to communicate, tell him to do it via email or text. Keep everything he writes and any communication between you.
Do not be afraid of speaking to the police. Ask for the domestic abuse team. It’s just awful to be so under attack and to be falsely accused. It is no good for any children either.
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I totally feel your pain here! I have recently endured abuse and threats via text ,that didn’t work so he started a smear campaign while still pretending to have our sons best interest at heart and all of this his calculated build up to his telling me of his new relationship with a former friend which is just wrong for too many reasons to explain I now know this to be ‘triangulation ‘ as I finished the relationship over (detail removed by moderator) years ago but have to co parent our (detail removed by moderator) year old who just happens to be severely autistic and non verbal so my life is difficult enough . Noone is listening to me I gave had enough that I’m now reacting badly and messing it all up myself🤬
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this unfortunately is a very common theme thes men re- traumatise us and the kids through contact. Your GP can back you up stating you have no mental health problems in writtem form also drug addiction – you could prove this with a blood test they can tell whether you’ve even had paracetamol from bloods! you shouldn’t have to but I would. evidence in writing will take priority in court rather that tittle tattle. Id call womens aid they can work with you and the kids give you all support and also help your child find their voice they can write out to the court xxxx
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I feel like I could have written your post. I think the key here is to stop. To not retaliate, not to get drawn into it. Cut contact if you havent already, put all comms and changeovers through a third party. This is better for the child/children. Acknowledge that you can not work with him and that you need to remove yourself from this conflict for the child/children.
Stay focused on what you’re doing and what needs to be done. It’s very tempting to feel attacked and go into defend or attack back mode. Do nothing. Only respond to the situation when it is necessary.
Gather evidence and help your child/children with whatever is needed.
Yes, get a support worker to help you through it all it’s a head wreck for sure x
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