Crumbs

[Catjam]

I have realised my life has been holding out for crumbs. Hoping he would love me, touch me spend time with me. I had a rose tinted view of him. Always made allowances because of his childhood, the tough life he had.
I have started reminding myself of the times he has hurt me or just treated me like a thing.
Things like he wanted sex (detail removed by Moderator) weeks after the birth of our first even though I had stitches and it was so painful he carried on. After the birth of our (detail removed by Moderator) child leaving me with 2 kids under (detail removed by Moderator) to spend time with his female boss who rang at all hours.
After an operation he collected me from the hospital and went away for the weekend leaving me with 3 kids, one who was a toddler. I could barely stand. Luckily family popped in for a visit and stayed to help.
All the times he has gone days or weeks barely acknowledging my existence and I never knew why.
His life and hobbies came first regardless of what money we had. Even now I keep a small amount of money tucked away so I can buy milk and bread because there were times it was one or the other.
I had a serious illness and spent weeks in hospital. I came home to the biggest pile of washing and a disgusting bed and empty cupboards and fridge. My kids had attempted to clean the house but He wouldn’t let them do the laundry.
The list could go on and on. I am becoming stronger and stronger and now look at him differently. He is constantly ill or getting hurt in some way. Still pushing me for sex while demanding he has changed. Still sulking because I am finally spending more time with my family and he hates that. Especially as I aren’t asking him if he minds.
Slowly but surely his power and control over me is going. Not completely and I know it’s going to be hard but I now know I won’t be spending the rest of my life with him. I have a big birthday in a few months my plan is not to be with him by then.

[Watersprite]

Hey crumbs I remember thinking the same one Christmas this is probably the last one I will be with you then valentines thank god this is definitely the last one and it was! Some days I can’t quite believe I had the courage and in the end it was a whirlwind because it became so dangerous. But you are making your plans setting your mindset you too will be free and slowly able to process get into a safe bed at night and rebuild and step into your future x take care leaving is the most dangerous time keep your cards close to your chest

[Walkingonsunshine]

I couldn’t see it at the time, but I look back now and laugh at what I thought was good. I remember saying to a friend ‘he does nice things like walks the dog when it’s raining so I don’t have to get wet’ And she replied that it was sad that that was the best he’d do for me. He never treated me, never made me feel special, like you say, just bread crumbs. I remember feeling delighted once that he’d bought me a key ring for £3.50 whilst on holiday. I fully expected him to say I couldn’t have it so I thought he was the best thing when he did.

I did exactly the same last Christmas, packing away the baubles thinking, this time next year I won’t be with you! One year on, I’m not as free as I imagined but I’m almost there. I Love the goal you have set for your birthday @catjam What an amazing present to set yourself free.
Good luck to you x

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