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They do it to confuse us. To keep us mixed up. Nasty/nice, nasty/nice that’s the cycle. My cycle then would be tense,on guard/then relax, tense/on guard/relax. The worst thing is they know what they are doing. They actually know they are confusing us and wrecking our head. They know they are messing with our emotions. How sick is that. They feel Power because they are pretending and they think we are caught up in their pretense. They actually are laughing to themselves. (I caught my abuser doing that once, laughing his head off to himself as he was kneading bread at me having just received his ‘false allegations’ for our separation agreement. I was distraught at his lies and the terrible untruths he said about me in the document and he thought my distress was hilarious.
They have sick personalities. They get a high from others’ distress (not just ours his friends and work-colleagues and siblings) too. They always have to be one step ahead of everyone. They are immature, lacking in empathy. They are to be pitied (hard to do though when on the receiving end of their games). They lack so much. They lack goodness, kindness, generosity and empathy. Every action they do is for selfish . Every word they utter is either to assert control, regain control or maintain control. There is no living with them. They are impossible.
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But i did want hugs, i like it when he hugs me and is nice to me, i try to be so good so he will want to be nice all the time but i always end up doing something wrong?? Mostly i dont even know what has happened just that i messed up again, he can be so lovely when i get it right, if i could be perfect i bet he could ne too. Hes really not like the rest, he is nice, he just has an issue with trust because hes been hurt so many times, and anger problems that jes never been shown how to deal with.
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When you have these power & control games the ‘illusion’ of the good moments is all the more desirable. If you are brought to a position where you feel like a worthless mess, you couldn’t feel any lower then the prospect of being lifted out of this depressing pit (by your savior, him) is euphoric. The highs and lows are extreme and not symbolic of normal day to day life in normal relationships. it sounds like he is playing you like a fiddle Liquorice, I was there too. There are so many short books to read about this online. Emotional manipulation tactics, once I read and armed myself what I was dealing with, it was so much easier for me to see the light. At that point we had split but they helped me to understand. Try to make a start with (free to read on Amazon) 30 Covert Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships.
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Liquorice, I’m going to be very blunt. My husband raped me. I was crying afterwards and he came back angrier than ever. Before this, after an assault he would apologise and cuddle and tell me everything was OK. So my brain would forget the rape and latch onto the reward of cuddles and safety. That day I decided I had to end the relationship. Not because he raped me but because he didn’t console me afterwards and that nearly broke me. I’m telling you this so you can see how distorted our thinking becomes. He is pure evil and I hope one day with help you can see through this dysfunction. It’s dangerous physically and mentally X
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Is this normal or am i crazy, i understand that im only just accepting our marriage is not like other peoples,but is ……aggghhh!!! I cant even explain what im trying to say,i mean is it all really just games and tactics.does it get any easier, ever. Am i just a fool do i stick my head in the sand for an easy life. Wow thats the most ive said i in a long time…sorry rant over…everything is just so confusing at the moment ..headache is bad now .
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