Dancing with the Devil

[Sugar]

Hi Ladies,

It’s been a while. Unfortunately the reasons for my lack of contact are not because my n**********c man has seen the error of his nasty evil ways. Instead I’ve been battling daily with his verbal and emotional put downs, the constant name calling, being made to feel like a failure at every hurdle. If I don’t do things around the house to his standard I’m lazy and disgusting and when I do I’m not spending enough time with him. His incessant jealousy and constant accusations of me cheating are enough to make me want to puke. Like any of us would even put ourselves in the danger involved cheating. He still doesn’t work and lies in bed whilst I go out to work and provide for our family. He doesn’t even have the excuse of looking after the children as the youngest is in nursery and eldest in school. Quite sad and speaks volumes that I’d rather pay nursery fees than leave our child with him as I’m not a fan of his parenting skills either. He places unrealistic demands on our youngest to say please and thank you if she wants something when she’s (detail removed by moderator) years old and he will withhold things from her if she does not follow his commands.
I could write and write an endless list of how evil and cruel he can be. He watches me get dressed in the morning and will make comments about which underwear I have put on if he feels it’s too nice for me to go to work in and then off course he will accuse me of having someone to impress whilst at work. I don’t know about anyone else but I’m not in the habit of showing off my underwear in the work place! It’s so degrading and irritating!

Alongside the endless list he has frequent outbursts of physical violence and I’m no match for him in terms of size and protecting myself is almost impossible. He regularly threatens to leave and spends periods of time at his mums. He had done so (detail removed by moderator) and then as per usual demanded I go to collect him. I did so of course and when I collected him (detail removed by moderator) . I asked quite simply and nicely (detail removed by moderator)  and he erupted like I’d asked the earth. I was in the car and our youngest was present. He was shouting swearing and making threats. I asked him to get out of my car and it was like the Incredible Hulk had emerged. He tried to take my car key from the ignition so I tried to stop him he then punched me in my face splitting both lips and giving me a nasty black eye. He didn’t stop there, (detail removed by moderator) . He got out of the car and I sped off. All of this infront of our poor child.

It’s not the first time this has happened but I know it’s the last as something switched inside me. No more making excuses no more doubting myself and was it somehow my fault. No nothing I feel nothing but resentment for the years of my life he has taken and for every bruise and every name he has called me. I’ve packed his belongings and gone no contact for (detail removed by moderator) . I’ve had the pitiful emails and the vile ones and I can sense the change in me as I no longer feel the need to reply of defend myself against his rediculous and insane allegations. I am wondering what will I feel next though, will this detached feeling stay or will those horrible feelings of hurt and sadness return. I don’t want to get sucked in at any point. I feel proud at present for my current feelings and I pray they remain the same.

[Falling Skys]

Hi and hugs

Awful situation you are in and you and you child deserves dough more xx

Speak to WA you need a plan of what you want to do.

FS xx

[Lisa]

Hi Sugar,

Thank you for your post. I’m very sorry to read what you have been through recently. The incident you explain was serious physical violence, and as you say, it was terrible that he carried it out in front of your child. I hope you’ve received some medical attention and are able to take some time to look after yourself.

You’ve been incredibly strong by stopping contact, and it sounds like you know you have to stick to it. It’s very positive that you can recognise a change in yourself; that his manipulative ways are not so powerful anymore.

Unfortunately we know that the time of separation can be a time when the abuse escalates, so please prioritise your safety. It sounds like you have stayed in the property and he has left; if so, I would suggest getting your locks changed. If he turns up do not feel you have to let him in; you can call the police at any time. He may try to use the guise of seeing your child as a way to continue the abuse, so please seek support before giving him any contact.

I think it would be helpful for you to talk this through in more detail so please consider calling the Helpline on 0808 2000 247 or contacting your local domestic abuse service.

There is also lots of information in the Survivor’s Handbook here.

Keep going, you’ve done the right thing.

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Bravo Sugar! Keep putting one step forwards never backwards ever again. This man sounds horrific, reading your post I feel fearful for you and your children. Get as much support and evidence as you can, try not to make the mistake of thinking you can deal with him alone, get other agencies involved from here, let them work for you now so you don’t have to deal with him directly ever again. Think it’s brilliant you are now recognising that defending yourself and feeling self doubt only serve to keep the abuse going. Keep posting lovely and stay strong x

[Author]

Posts