- This topic has 6 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 3 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I’m divorcing my husband after several years of emotional abuse and name-calling. We are separated though currently live in the same house, though this will hopefully change when he leaves in the New Year. He demands to know where I take our daughter, as he says it is his right to know. He doesn’t tell me where he goes.
He says he will want to see our junior school age daughter, after he leaves, but she doesn’t want to spend time with him. She has heard him screaming at me and calling me horrendous names and is scared of him.
Do I have to allow custody visits if there has been abuse, and does he have the right to demand to know where I take our daughter when we go out?
-
Hi Marmite3,
Your husband has parental responsibility and so is entitled to be informed about aspects of your daughter’s life eg school and medical issues. He also has the right to be consulted on major decisions. For example you could not move your daughter abroad without his consent or court permission. This does not extend to knowing every single thing. So if you are going to the corner shop with her then you don’t need to constantly report on your movements.
As for contact, you would need to get legal advice. At junior school age, if your husband applied for contact, your daughter’s wishes will be one of the matters taken into consideration but will not be determinative as she is too young. Court’s do look at domestic abuse, but it’s impact depends on your individual circumstances. Sometimes there is no contact, but often there is contact which may be supervised at a contact centre/by a third party or unsupervised but with provision for minimal contact between the adults if possible. See a solicitor who can give you advice about the likely outcome in your particular circumstances. Some solicitors will give an initial 30 minute free appointment. The Rights of Women helpline for family law is also very useful. It is v difficult to get through but keep trying during their opening times. -
You might qualify for legal aid if there was abuse in the relationship.
If his behaviour is still unacceptable when he leaves, e.g harassment, you may be able to apply for a prohibited steps order.Look up when this may be applied for, and see if it is relevant to you.
Unfortunately, once the relationship is over, the abuser often uses the children against the mother.
As a way of controlling the mother, e.g. not returning children at the agreed time, using pickup and drop offs as a form of harassment.I have gone 0 contact with support from authorities, so Currently the kidd dad is not allowed to see them.
This was due to his unreasonable behaviour, which I kept reporting.
I feel sad that he’s alone at Christmas, but I keep reminding myself it was due to his unreasonable behaviour x -
Hello marmite
Your ex husband does not have to know where you and your daughter are going especially though domestic abuse he can see your daughter through a contact centre. My daughter was like that where she hated her dad because she seen what I went thought and what she went through with him but know she is okay with him it’s the truma they find it hard to cope with . Don’t put your self in danger I would not meet up with the dad at all stay away from him as much as possible you can get a non molestation order so them he can’t go near you and your daughter I hope things work out for you
-
He has no right to know where you are taking your daughter if it’s just normal everyday outings or even overnight. When we separated we had an agreement that we would notify the other person if we were taking the children away overnight but after ex repeatedly didn’t bother to tell me I also stopped informing him. You would be expected to notify him about any illness, doctor appointments etc. You will also need his permission if you want to take her abroad. Things like school choices and medical decisions he will have an equal say.
In terms of contact, be very careful and get legal advice. Even when there has been abuse the courts tend to favour shared care arrangements. A contact centre might be the best bet to avoid allegations that you are withholding contact (abusive men often accuse their ex partners of abuse).
-
Hi,
Unless there is documented abuse that poses a risk to the child, the father as the other parent has exactly the same rights as you do. If you do not agree on child contact, then you need to apply to the court for child arrangments order. This would be part of the divorce proceedings. Did you apply for divorce already? If there is domestic abuse it may not be safe to share same living space whilst there are ongoing divorce proceedings. It sounds as if you are still working out in which terms will you be separating and he is asking to see the child in the future. You probably need to show to the court that you made reasonable efforts to allow for it and that it is not in the best interest of the child. The court will also take into account the views of a child aged above 10 or 11.
-
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
