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After a few years of my daughter having no contact with me. She went to my mothers and ask if I had a new mobile number as she was trying to contact me. The reason being was she was getting married and needed my help with the passport. My mother told me as we were going to an evening out, and I just fell to bits.
(I have checked and she does not need anything from me to get a passport and she can get it from her father, so me not contacting her will not effect her plans)
She knows my address and my email so there was no need to speak to my mother about it.
I went back to the beginning of the pain and hurt. I don’t feel like I can cope with her in my life to be used again, but I don’t want to miss the opportunity to mend things.
I have asked my sibling to vet any information that my mother is given in the future so it doesn’t mess with my head.
I am not the mother that either of my children knew and wont be again, I’m scarred that if either of them came into my life to treat me like they did again I would break beyond repair.
At the moment I have done nothing, and feel that I should wait till or if she makes another move.
I will value your help with this matter. FS x
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Hi Falling Skys,
The fact that she’s maybe not been truthful to your mother about her reasons for getting in touch, or that she’s pretended your mother that she’s tried to get in touch, already has warning signs attached to it, because she’s not being straightforward, and as you say, this constitutes a mind game. Also, she must know that a daughter’s wedding is an emotional thing for a mother.
I don’t know exactly how your kids treated you previously, but I would say, wedding or no wedding, your priority must still be to protect yourself. You were right to ask your mother to be careful of what she tells you, as you don’t want to be triggered ( especially if your daughter is going to make such moves again), and if your daughter wanted to be in contact around this matter it should simply be to inform you of the wedding and to invite you- apart from that, she has no reason to communicate with you about the event. You don’t want her trying to engage with you about the wedding if she’s not going to invite you: I would say it would be emotional abuse of yourself to do so.
It is up to her to make contact, and any contact should be respectful to your feelings. You don’t need to put up with any abuse.
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