daughters birthday & ex grandperants

[Ravenfire]

I don’t know where to go or what to do with how sw treating me like rubbish & telling me they can do what ever they want over what I want.. (detail removed by Moderator) my daughters birthday and been told she been send something from her fathers parents, witch I have asked not to give it to her, I don’t what her having contact with them after what her own fathers done to her and me. The new Sw doesn’t even know me and just going off what the other have said, and thing are wrong in the notes.

[Wants To Help]

When I was with my abuser, his parents were wonderful, loving grandparents to our son. However, there were times when his mum would also side with her son about how he treated me and she’d tell me I was too sensitive and would overreact to his behaviour. She was quite old fashioned and believed a woman’s place was in the home and to please her man!

When me and my abuser separated, my relationship with his parents became strained for a while, however, they would still see our son (their grandson) frequently. They still loved him and he adored them. I lived nearer to them than my abuser, so I would often facilitate contact with them and their grandson.

I was quite shocked when some of my close friends asked me why I would let my son spend time with them after what their son put me through? I told them that my son loved his grandparents, and for me to stop them seeing each other would be totally selfish on my part and not in my son’s best interests at all. Some said “well, there’s no way I’d let my ex’s parents see my child if I’d been through what you have.” I found this quite a shocking response. It seemed I was expected to punish my child and his grandparents through no fault of their own – just for revenge?

Over the years, my abuser’s parents have been wonderful. They have been a constant, stable, loving family to my son and I, he’s been on holidays with them, they have financially helped me with his school uniform and shoes, bought him a new bed when he needed one and I had no money. They’ve helped me out with childcare when I returned to work full time, they’ve helped out when I’ve been ill, or he’s been ill. I love them very much. They have stepped up where my abuser failed. They have recognised his failings over the years and have made every effort to support me.

Have a good think why you don’t want your daughter’s paternal grandparents in her life? Is this really for her benefit or yours? Don’t assume that your ex’s parents haven’t got her best interests at heart. Don’t underestimate the love and joy that grandparents can bring to their grandchildren, especially if there was an established relationship there before you and your ex split up. They clearly want to recognise her birthday and give her a present. Why do you resent that?

[Ravenfire]

It not about resent that but they have done nothing to help me, don’t like me as it stands anyway. there not local and only see her about (detail removed by Moderator) time yr, so why start making big fuss now, she never use to.

[RedGiraffe]

I haven’t any advice but I just wanted to say I completely get this! I think it depends on the relationship they had with your child throughout your relationship!
My child’s grandparents (his side) has never bothered… only at ‘special’ events during the years but nothing day to day. They don’t phone or text to ask how little one is, isn’t invited to places, makes child feel guilty when they don’t want to see them (because they don’t really know them). Rather give presents than time! I’ve asked for their help and support but the answers always been no!

I wouldn’t feel comfortable letting mine go to them mainly because they don’t know them, so it would be more distressing than not!

I wish they had been as supportive as wants to helps have been! In that kind of relationship I wouldn’t have a issue and would welcome the help and support but unfortunately it’s not always the case!

[Author]

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