- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by Anonymous.
31st May 2016 at 9:15 am #18367AnonymousInactive
First of all, thank you, all of you for your inspiring stories, support, wise counsel and kindnesses.
You’re a good part of the reason I’m at day 6 and he’s not come back (capitulation has been a serious risk, I still really don’t want him to leave whilst I also really do want him to leave. Hmmm)
These are for all of you 🌺✨🕸💐💕 (the web was a typo but I kinda like it so I’m leaving it in).
Most of his belongings have been cleared from the house, the rest are going today. Looking forward to when that’s done and the prospect – if I’m strong enough to do it – of no contact.
Another long conversation yesterday – I have to stop them as I’m an over-giver who won’t be able to help myself helping him if I don’t!
He said he wished none of this had ever happened. WHAT? “This” didn’t just “happen”! “This” is something he did, over and over again, in spite of repeated requests and demands to stop being cruel! (It’s ok – I told him that too.)
It seems my husband is a vulnerable n********t. I’m not one for getting into the mind of an abuser cos if I do, I tend to come over all empathic and understanding 😝, but I’m reading up a little on this, so I can learn to protect myself.
My children are sad about all this, but we chatted this morning and I think they’ll be ok. Need to do some fun things with them. I’ll start another thread about that.
Timing sucks for them but then I’m not sure there ever was a right time. Selfishly, the timing is good for me. And that’s ok. I know sometimes it’s right to be selfish.
Will it get easier? Will there be a day when my codependent relationship doesn’t take up hours of time? I sure hope so!
Much love S xx
31st May 2016 at 12:09 pm #18375Confused123Participant
u doing ever so well , and yes in time it does get better, we have this illusion that once we’ve left ex everything will be rosy, it is a lot better dont get me wrong i think what throws us of guards is our feelings, how attached we actually were to our abusers, but dont worry this is all normal and we all guide each another through what stage we are at . Good on you for reading up on abuse, there are so many books out there, i did hte same read the one relevant to me , i find joining support groups and building your network makes u stronger, i had a counsellor, a support worker, ladies on this forum, two friends i had reconnected with after left abuser, i even did one day ocourss on unhealthy realtionship.There is so so much support out there, we just have to find it and take it, at the begining i felt so embrassed it took me so long to come out of realtionship, but slowly i realized it is there shame not ours
1st June 2016 at 10:29 am #18411AnonymousInactive
Thank you for replying. The emotions I have been feeling did floor me, but they’re passing now. x
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