Day trip “gone **”- not my fault this time!

[Mom of two]

I have a need to get sympathy and empathy here and validation how hard it was.

Its our (detail removed by Moderator). So fun! a (detail removed by Moderator) with family! so this is what happens when you get along, but what if my husband doesn’t want to be in the same room as I and this are tense because your man hates your looks and very being.
I wear (detail removed by Moderator) and he hates it because he wants me to be more modest and wear (detail removed by Moderator) and the one I were is too (detail removed by Moderator) for him. he also hates every new item I bring home from shopping. the new (detail removed by Moderator)- too with it and provocative. I brought my son the cutest (detail removed by Moderator) and he refuses to put them on- “(detail removed by Moderator)” which he says about every purchase I make. every new item is wrong. we fight every time I put on something new.

so (detail removed by Moderator) we took a day trip to the (detail removed by Moderator) (detail removed by Moderator) hours down (detail removed by Moderator)- hence the name of this post- but also because it ended up being A HORRIBLE TRIP!! We didn’t speak too much the way there but it was decent and I was trying to be pleasant(even when he put on a (detail removed by Moderator) so that we couldn’t talk much). once we arrived that’s when he got angry and started walking through at a pace that wasn’t pleasant. he had my son’s hand so to observers you wouldn’t be able to tell that he was avoiding being with me and running ahead but I knew and he admitted that it was on purpose. I tried following and be involved and I tried enjoying it and for the next hour I was playing this running after him dance- not sure if there was animals- i just about noticed them-

and then he left me. I turned to catch my son and I was pushing the carriage too and then I stood up and he was gone. he walked away. so at first I stood there and waited maybe he was trying to find me cuz I had had to run after my son so returned to that spot and waited. images of calling my abusive parents to ask them to pick me admitting my failure -they don’t know everything isn’t peaches running through my mind. I don’t have a supportive home to return too and no support team so I don’t see divorce as an escape marriage was supposed to be a safe haven away from my childhood horrors.
then I walked a little pushing the stroller and holding my older son and since the (detail removed by Moderator) was a circle I was able to see him. HE HAD GONE AHEAD AND CONTINUED THROUGHTH (detail removed by Moderator) WITHOUT LOOKING FOR ME. it was as if he didn’t care to be with me like he couldn’t tolerate being with me.
we left a few minutes later and once in the car i listened as he explained why he waws so angry. “(detail removed by Moderator)” he spoke on and on for a few minutes about the things i did wrong- nothing from that day just in general he hates me
we didn’t speak much after that
towards home i asked him what he wants? he said (detail removed by Moderator)
i said (detail removed by Moderator)
he said (detail removed by Moderator)- all the things i said we fought over when i brought it… (detail removed by Moderator).
i didn’t respond just thought: ” and you are also putting these things in front of love…” but i didn’t say that
just that i do want you.
The evening ended with us being in his (detail removed by Moderator) home- (detail removed by Moderator) die this year- more on that a different day- and then home with out much more fighting- notice that i didn’t do anything aggressive or confronational just my being me he hates since i won’t squeeze into the box he wants me in.

control freak- that’s me i am allerigic to being controlled and told what to do.

Thanks for listening. I want validation and help here.
he didn’t talk after that much

[Lisa]

Hi Mom of two,

This sounds like it was a really difficult day. All the hopes for a lovely time with your family and he’s approached it knowing he’s deliberately going to ruin it for you. Please know that abusers choose to behave the way they do, none of this is your fault.

It’s very controlling of him to want to dictate what you can wear and buy. That’s absolutely nothing wrong with you in being resistant to being controlled and told what to do, I think that’s a very normal reaction. His behaviour on the trip and then berating you in the car after makes it quite clear this was meant as a punishment. I can imagine it’s so emotionally painful for you and psychologically damaging.

I hope that today has been a bit better and you’ve been able to find at least some moments of peace for yourself.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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