Dealing with lies

[fizzylem]

I don’t react to each lie I read now; I see it as a lie, told in an attempt to blame me, it’s quite impressive really how he can invent such tales and always find a way to make it my fault somehow, perhaps even more impressive that he seems to get others to believe him – in his sphere anyway.

He will say anything to wriggle out of it, whatever it is this time – there are literally thousands of examples, there really is no length he will not go to, all to protect his public image and the stories he tells – with the added bonus it beats me down, I feel like he will never leave me be until he thinks he has destroyed me. He puts the protection of his public image above anything or anyone – including his child, his child, like everyone, is also used and manipulated, then dropped again when she’s served her purpose.

Emotional abuse is hidden apparently and people often say its hard to see, yet all the signs and even the evidence is right here, problem isn’t that it’s hidden for most, the problem is it requires a willingness to look – not found anyone who has the power to help us change it do that yet.

Suppose its dreadful now because I’ve called him out and he’s at risk of being exposed, so he’s upped his game to high alert, it’s like trying to catch a ferral tom cat, his bites, scratches and spitting are insane, because he will do anything but come quietly; he will never OWN UP – please know this ladies, don’t waste any more time thinking he should, maybe he will see it one day, that he owes you an apology – because you will never get one, not a genuine one with change anyway.

So, I shouldn’t expect it to be any different just now should I; this was always going to be how it looks in the end.

Really hoping the truth will now out now x

[Cecile]

Hi Fizzy Lem yep the lies and more lies cast a thick sick blanket of slime over everything. It took me decades to realise my abuser, who appeared to be a fine upstanding and caring professional to the world, is in fact a compulsive liar. This was just last year when it struck me like a thunderbolt that he lies all the time and never ever shows his true face or his thoughts. When I put it to him he actually looked at me with delight as he thought I was admiring him and he agreed. I felt sick to my soul. More than anything the lies and my realisation have made me realise that he has probably done very evil things over the years, lied about me to others, etc. And I feel so stupid for being so gullible. I am going to tell my adult children about this soon, as they need to protect themselves as he is manipulating them at the mo.
The feral cat is a good image and that is what I am experiencing now, as the divorce is imminent (detail removed by moderator). Can’t revel in this because he is bristling with suppressed rage and creating more lies and aggression.

[KIP.]

Here’s what Bill Clinton once said. Strong and wrong always beats weak and right. Remember this when dealing with your ex. People confuse their strong forceful demeanour as truth. They think how can someone be so forceful in a lie. It defies logic so make sure your evidence is strong too.

[fizzylem]

Good way of putting it C, like that, a blanket of slime. We see through them eventually dont we – just takes a bit longer for everyone else to catch up. I’ve been thinking about this too lately, information is power hey. You be careful though lady – not long for you now either! x*x

[KIP.]

Something else I remember is that abusers don’t have a problem with their anger they have a problem with yours. So make sure you let him know you’re angry and he’s the reason.

[fizzylem]

Thinking he’s an N KIP and the way it’s going – can see him erupting for all to see. He’s made a lot of rope for his own noose this time – all I’ve had to do is stand back over the last few years and gather the evidence – in all honesty that is all I’ve done. Almost feel sorry for him – almost! He’s signed his own death warrant really. I should have known it would be his lack of EI and stupidty that would get him in the end x

[Cecile]

Kip what you said about their “strong forceful demeanour” describes my oh to a tee. He feeds of anger btw, gets a nasty kick out of seeing women riled. Probably because it’s the only emotion he can recognise and feel himself.

Fizzy good luck with it and if you follow this advice from Kip you are almost at the finishing line.

[fizzylem]

So true, this is in part also because it infuriates him he does not get my approval, yes, can see that, started out as him unable to handle the rejection but when I went no contact – that took it to a new level – hatred – how dare she! ‘She’s making me look bad, got to do something here – now I have a new woman, need to think fast and lie lie lie – playing the victim comes so easily, and I know I can manipulate others all day long every day of the week- or something like. The funny thing is he brought this, I would have quite happily moved on – couldn’t let me go though could he x

[KIP.]

Yes it needs to be a controlled anger because I know getting riled and looking irrational is what they aim for. My ex seemed to think if he said it often enough and angry enough it would become truth. Idiot x it’s good when we know how their pathetic game is played. The look ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

“My ex seemed to think if he said it often enough and angry enough it would become truth.”

KIP, this is so true of my ex. I sometimes think he now doesn’t know what the truth is and what are the lies he’s made up because he’s said them so many times. He can also play the alcoholism card and” forget” anything not fitting his story.

[fizzylem]

Can o relate L, exactly! He’s doing now with one thing inparticualr – funny thing is – he can not know this at all and any sane person will see this, he thinks because he keeps saying it it will make it true. He’s going to look a t**t. Lols he forgets anything that doesn’t fir with his story – yup – like it didnt even register! x

[KIP.]

I believe they know exactly what the truth is but simply choose to rewrite history to suit themselves. Even when faced with undeniable evidence my ex still blatantly denied it. It was ridiculous. Everyone could see he was lying but he Just kept up the same pathetic story. Even in front of professionals. There is definitely some wires crossed in their brains that will never uncross. That’s why zero contact is my bible. Don’t get dragged into their crazy x

[HopeLifeJoy]

They know full well they are lying. Their aim is to keep their ugly self protected and under control. When they succeed they derive a sadistic pleasure from it but that’s just the side effect of their lies + we get destroyed in the process. But they don’t believe their own lies. No. They just develop a lot of smoke screens and see which one works best and are excellent at adapting and acting to whatever works best so a lot of times it doesn’t even make sense, there is no consistency. Multiples smoke screens work too so they tell different stories to different people not even bothered to keep track of their lies. They don’t care about the effect on others, they only care that their ugly little self is protected/kept under their control.

My abusive ex didn’t’ believe a single word of his accusations against me. He just tried and succeeded. I met him some time after courts and he told me I am an angel aren’t I. I am such a good person. I told him no. But I am kind and he is not kind and I dared telling him he is bad. He didn’t counter argue or tried to defend himself. He knows what he is and what he’s doing.

My abusive sister was much more malignant and rewrote history even more. The history of our childhood. The same I lived with her. She lied to her husband. About absolutely everything. She told me it is easier to seduce him this way and I better go along with her version of events. I didn’t go to their wedding. I refused to be part of her enormous lie.

They know exactly what they are doing. When they start shouting kicking and screaming you know they are nearer at being exposed. They reveal themselves. Let them. Keep a safe distance though.

[fizzylem]

So true – try to re write history x

[fizzylem]

Its when he takes sadistic pleasure from seeing you suffer that you see his true self isn’t it – dreadful. He lost it and assualted me because he freaked about the possibility of his two worlds colliding – so obs he didnt want me and his new woman to ever meet for this very reason – different smoke screens; in fact he never wanted me to talk to his ex either – told me how awful she was – feel a fool now as he left me thinking I need to steer clear – know now it is highly likely she was none of the things he told me she was.

It’s the only healthy thing to do HLJ, I cant be around lies at all nowadays either – and never will again; it’s very sad it turned out this way but all you are doing is respecting yourself and others by steering clear x

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