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    • #143584
      Carmilla
      Participant

      She not only got away with it but continued to influence my life for up to (detail removed by Moderator) after she got bored of abusing me and left.

      One example of this was when I tried to date again and she broke up the relationship.

      She will never face any charges, no justice.

      A (detail removed by Moderator) ago I saw her again for the first time in years. She looked right at me and didn’t even seem to recognise me at all. Granted, it’s been almost (detail removed by Moderator) so it’s understandable but part of me is I dunno, upset that she forgot. It’s like the harm she did never phased her at all and all these years later can’t even remember my face.

      She moved on. I can’t. She left too many scars and as I said in my previous post I don’t actually have anyone to reach out to about this.

      I carry this weight and she just gets to forget.

      It does feel as though that means she’s essentially won. And that sucks.

    • #143594
      The Duchess
      Participant

      She only wins if you let her win , you are in control of your life & future now , you call the shots not her anymore.

      • #143596
        Carmilla
        Participant

        In what way? She gets to just go on as normal and I’m stuck with the scars I have to carry on my own.

      • #143602
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        I felt like this. For years i have blamed myself for chilhood abuse and a rape in my 20s.
        I self harm and im now with a not so nice man because i dont believe i deserve better.
        I am damaged goods, messed up, dirty.
        I felt like those who hurt me were just carrying on with their lives and they are happily i know as they are both family members so I know.
        Are they self harming because of what they did to me? Do they feel shame disgust each and every day?
        Are they now in an unhappy marriage cause of how hurt they once were?
        Nope.
        Its not fair not fair at all.
        So what do i do? Sit around letting that hate grow inside me? Or do I think f**k them, im gonna show you that you didnt ruin me that you cant ever hurt me again. I will rise and I will shine so bright your eyes will burn.
        Thats how you hurt them thats how you get them back. Stand tall stand proud live your life now you are free. Carry those scars with your head held high.
        Nope its not easy, Im still here in a bad marriage and i still self harm but I am getting help I am getting better learning that it wasnt my fault that i wasnt to blame. Showing those who hurt me that Im ok that they bent me yes but Im not broken. You can too xxxxx

      • #143648
        Auriel
        Participant

        Your “not” damaged goods nbumblbee and your “not” dirty (even though I know you feel is sometime as I do) “They” were the dirty ones, your hurting and that’s justified we have to acknowledge what we feel and get though life and try to be better/kinder to ourselves 💖🤗💖

      • #143667
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Thank you sweetie so so much. Hugs to you too you have such lovley words for others i hope you have some for yourself too xxxxx

      • #143701
        Auriel
        Participant

        I’m trying nbumblbee it’s a bit of a slog but the fact I see everything (and my abusers for what they were/are) makes it’s easier to see me what I am 💛🧡❤️

      • #143707
        nbumblebee
        Participant

        Bless you. You are an incredable lady so much love and support for everyone its good to know you are working on yourself too.
        None of this is easy is it? Every day i wake and think what next? What will I do wrong today?
        Im tired of this life I really am but cant do anything about it wont do anything about it.
        Sending you hugs and support xxxxx

      • #143811
        Auriel
        Participant

        Bit by bit nbumblebee when you see you for what you really are and see others for what they really are your self esteem and what/who you accept changes too (just too me a while to figure it out) but I know the forum and it’s members are helping you see clearly things the way they are now.finding things that make you happy more and more can remind you that you don’t/won’t want people that make you sad all the time
        💛🤗💛

    • #143597
      The Duchess
      Participant

      We all have our scars , we all have our baggage, we all have been broken in these relationships, but we try our best to make a better lives for ourselves , it’s hard don’t get me wrong , but we all just want a happier life away from abuse in every way .

    • #143601
      Hereforhelp
      Participant

      Carmilla, I do not know.your story, it is very hard to get your head around that that person you loved, you bonded with and shared your life with didn’t love you and abused your love/trust, narcs only care about themselves and they move on to their next host without any guilt at all. Their feelings aren’t real, whoever she’s with now will be going through the same as she put you through… you are free….

      Have you tried your local CAB? My local one was helpful re DA trauma… also, I thought the freedom programme was available on line for about £12.and you can do it as much as you want? Someone else on here may know xx

      • #143694
        Carmilla
        Participant

        I never loved them. They just made me think I did through gaslighting amongst other things.

        The fact she went on to abuse others does not give me any comfort whatsoever. The fact she got away with it means she can continue to hurt people for the rest of her life with no consequences. It’ll never catch up to her and I will never be free.
        Scars are still here. And they never heal.

        I don’t know what CAB means? When I google it I get results for taxi companies.

    • #143604
      Auriel
      Participant

      It’s easy for her to move on Carmilla reason being that she was the abuser and suffers no scars or damage as a consequence, we are the ones left with post traumatic stress, trust issues, fear and self esteem issues and it is really really sad so sad
      🤗❤️🤗

    • #143606
      The Duchess
      Participant

      They not invested to begin with , any emotional attachment is fake love , they only see what suits them in a relationship, what they can gain out of it , I personally don’t think they are capable of feeling love . Empty shells , black hearts , whom use & abuse people for their own gratification, moving on to the next victim when they have exhausted all resources , then the cycle repeats . They move on quick as they don’t give their heart as we do , they don’t think like we do , they wired up wrong .

    • #143700
      Auriel
      Participant

      @carmilla is there any way you can get back in touch with your ex and get the relationship back? (Obviously not the abusive one) but the last one, these types are so spiteful they hold grievances forever! They done want you happy + think they have rights to say and do as they please, just wondered if there was a way to salvage your last one?
      💛🤗💛

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