dear Eve1

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

Just wanted to ask if your daughter is ok, I have read your recent post again and wanted to know if you were able to get some appropriate help.
I have an almost similar situation with my son, though I assume it is not as “serious” as your own. But I keep hearing him complain about feeling sick and he often has to come back from school and cancels his arrangements with his friends, however rare they are. He is losing weight too.
Anyway, I hope things can improve for you. I am taking my son to the doctor’s again soon.

[Eve1]

Hi BJIF,

It’s really kind of you to ask. I found the number of my local wa and rang them, not having spoken to them for several years. They have said they can refer my daughter for counselling and I’ve asked than to put her on their waiting list. I’ve spoken about it to her, well told her I used wa and found it helpful. She didn’t say much just nodded. Yesterday we en the car driving back from somewhere, talking about something and we must have started talking about school and she got really upset and was saying how she loved learning but school had made her hate it, it was all about results. Everything came out of her Ali at once. I just stayed calm and listened and when we got home it carried on really, it was like a spiral of despair for her, hour she wouldn’t get could results, wouldn’t get a good job, would never have anywhere nice to live. I kept talking to her calmly and kind of challenged all these things she was saying as being fears not facts and eventually she calmed herself a bit. Today she’s seen a friend and has been ok. Yesterday I felt as though we had a bit of a breakthrough, but we’ll see how school is this week.

When I read what you are going through Bridget, I really hope for a happier life for you. Some of your posts are so inspiring. Sorry your son is not doing so well. I’ve lost faith s but in gp.s, but hope they can help him.
Take care
Eve
x

[Bridget Jones Is Free]

So glad to hear from you Eve, I think it takes a long time for our children to open up about their feelings, they don’t know why they feel the way they do, how to express it, how to control it, how to make it better, how to cope with it, how it can change, how it can get better.

Our kids are at the beginning of their lives and they have already so much to cope with. All we can do is give them the knowledge and reassurance that no matter what, we will protect them and guide them and accept them for who they are and what they want to do, help them achieve what they can and give them the tools to love themselves. School life doesn’t help when our kids are being prepared for tests and exams, it takes special teachers and support staff to get kids to reach their best while making sure they develop freely and happily.

I remember my own terrible childhood and the ignorance with which both my parents speak about the past, what happened. That’s when I feel frightened for my own son and his siblings. We are all damaged and sometimes I wonder if I could have dealt with the situation in a different way. At the moment I try to be really chirpy, positive, and active. I try to help a lot, talk when my son opens up, show I care, and tell him to do his best. I give him little treats in terms of food, I try to show him I know what he likes, I buy nice treats and make the meals a happy times even if it means eating in front of the tv. I try to encourage him to look forward to the new studies he will soon embark on, I encourage him to achieve what he can by being there to guide him, ”push him”, teach him self discipline and the happy feeling this gives you, I let him speak about his troubles and what happens at school. The other day he was telling me how depressed he felt that day and how during class he was so low he was close to tears. He said he has moments when those feelings of sadness just overcome him, out of the blue. It sounds so scary. I sorted the end of year event and he was pleased to have it all organised. Little bit by little bit, I try to make him feel positive. And he gets lovely treats like loads of cups of tea which he enjoys!! He is kind and talkative with me, he knows I care and I will always ask how his day was.

I think it is all about gaining our children’s trust, and helping them through their development with a caring, respectful and understanding stance. Teenagers are fragile, the slightest thing can make them tip over. I hope your daughter is able to develop a sense of perspective and that the future can bring happiness for her in the end.

And if this can help, I also believe we can win their trust with food and treats of that nature! A good meal is a time for sharing, opening up, listening and putting the world right! I strongly believe that punctuating the day with nice treats and nutritious food is equivalent to dishing out happiness and laughter. Also creative activities do help bring closeness and positivity. And little moments of surprises like an unexpected bar of chocolate or a favourite drink, a special film night etc…anything to make life pleasant and positive. Smiles, smiles and more smiles! I believe in humour, fun and a sense of novelty each day, welcoming their friends and being Mother Earth!

I hope it gets better soon for you and your daughter, xx BJ

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