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It’s been a healthy amount of time since I ended my abusive relationship and more or less i feel I have moved on. I am with a new person who is nothing like my ex. I feel good with him, free with him. No eggshells. No tension. So no issues about that. The only thing that triggered me lately is so stupid and I don’t know why I am triggered or what to do about it because it is technically barely related to him. He (my current boyfriend) is not of my nationality and lives in a neighboring country to mine. Now He got a fixed term placement in England (for the job that he really likes and wants) and he got a very good deal on a shared house. I don’t live with him (and I don’t live in England either) but I came over for Christmas and I have a few more trips planned. The issue is his house. His housemates smoke weed. the house smells like weed. and it is messy. He doesn’t smoke himself (or at least not when I am visiting and if he does smoke occasionally I am sure it is occasionally only) and his room is nice and tidy coz he himself is a very tidy person.
But that smell of the house made me feel like I am back to years ago with my ex. He used to smoke weed all the time. So this smell gives me association of him. Back then I was tolerant (i never smoked myself though) but now it really irritates me. And this whole house reminds me of my ex friend’s house where we stayed for some time and I have bad memories with that.
Now I don’t even feel excited about my coming visit because I don’t want to be in that house. I don’t get why. It is just a house. And I personally think that he got a good deal because it is cheap (while he has relatively enough money, England prices are high and I think it is amazing that he can save on housing). I can’t really tell him anything because I don’t want him to feel bad as it is not something he can change and it is not his fault. (he knows about my history with my ex)
Not sure what is the purpose of my post. Any advise on how to stop feeling this deja vu when it is only because of the house? -
I don’t know how not to feel deja vu. But its not your fault. You will have things that your mind will automatically link with your past.
To be honest, its not unreasonable not to want to go into a smelly house. Not many people do. Even if you don’t want to give up the real reasons, any guy who truly loves you would understand your objections.
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