Delayed Reaction

[Confused123]

So as some of u may know from reading my previous post on sunday night or monday night i think it was, i posteed how i banged into his family and they were telling me his in a bad way, i did well not to disclose to his family any details why i left even though they know it was partly to do with his drink, they just mentioned ex and ex b in law, i cant beleive what a massive impact it has had on me. I always try not to bad mouth them both as it gives me nightmares and sets triggers of to him trying to kill me, but i still had nightmare that night, i cant beleive how shaken up the dream left me, in my dream ex was really unhappy and sad prob cause hsi brother was beating him up, but dream went wrong and ex b in law tried to kill me by smashing bottle on my head and tellign me he had had enough of me speaking up, the dream was horrible cause i was just covered in blood and i felt so strongly in the dream i was dying,, now i feel scared as if the dream was a warning to me . If i stay quiet about my b in law people will continue to think of him as perfect when he played a massive part of my abuse to keeping me trapped and finaincial abusing me, but if i speak up about both of them when people ask im scared he will hurt me via third party. I just dont know how to deal with it when people ask why i left, its like this is my chance to tell my side, they wont understand and i wills till be judged so do i tell my side or just wait for karma to hit them. Again like a lot of us on here, i just feel so low in confidence, i was doing so well but now im back to stage one i cant talk about abuse, i feel stronger but any mention of the realtionship and i clam up and block it all, cause it hurts too much and i seem to be going back to this mode where i refuse to let allow myself to cry, i keep tellign myself that was his rule i could never cry with him, now i can cry if i want to but i find it all to painful to think about and just block it, how will i recover if i keep blocking it all, i dont know what im scared of facing , its likeive blocked something but i dont know what, for me the worst thing was him trying to kill me, i initally blocked it at begining , but then i had triggers that the event did happen and i didnt imagine that night as much as i wanted to beleive i was hallucinating or something, there was no way that could of happen, but it did, i never forget myself that night how i was shaking and going into shock, ill never forget the beating that night , i’ll never forget how that night i broke his rules and cried so much , how he just carried on beating me up, the helpless look in my eldest son eyes… gosh that night was so bad , ive admititted to my counsellor last year how petereified i was , i had dealt with this all before xmas, i hate this dream i had , dont know whats triggered me off again, i know the (detail removed by moderator) anniverary has come up recently since he tried to kill me, i thought i was over this , hate feeling like this

[Serenity]

Hi Confused,

I think a lot of us are coming up to significant anniversaries or dates, and these can be triggering.

I also think it must be a huge trigger to see his family, and to hear them e pressing concern for him, after all he’s done.

Be sure that he has played the pity card with them, as I am sure my ex has too. They hide who they really are even from their own families.

My ex’s family is abroad, luckily, but I am sure I would find it a massive trigger if I saw them, especially as I am sure they would say things that were upsetting.

I think no contact really needs to be no contact with his family too. Any contact just upsets you immensely. Even if they don’t accuse you of anything, their minimising of his behaviour and seeing him as a victim is just too upsetting for you. Try to keep your distance, if you bump into them. Make your excuses and walk away.

Your dreams are based on your fears. How. U h of a fish are you in, if you blew the whistle on your brother in law to his family? Might he be vindictive? You need to guard yourself. He is from the same stick as your ex, and they are capable of sheer violence.

If I were you, I would be assertive if his family approach you: say they dint know the full facts, and you don’t wish to speak about it.

I am glad you at least tried to get your ex charged. If he or your brother in law nice try to bully you financially, expose them to the right people. Get all the professional help and support you can.

Although it would be easy to expose them both to his family in a very public fashion, I do worry for your safety. And these family members might even close ranks, or deny the truth of what you say. They won’t want their family name muddied. On this forum, we always express the importance of talking to the right people, and those who are supportive.

I think like a few of us, you are going through a bit of a dip, after being so fired up and strong previously. Now is the time to take stock, slow down, take good care of yourself, reassess what your objectives are and what you are hoping to achieve. Make small plans that aren’t overwhelming. Make sure you have enough support around you and good advice. Get counselling if you are feeling it hard to cope with the trauma and memories of what happened.

I wrote yesterday how I felt I had been triggered lately because I felt I had let my defences down and allowed a couple of people to cross my boundaries, and this think set me back a bit. Make sure you know what your rights are ( remember the ‘Bill of Rights?’) and don’t let people overstep your personal boundaries. Haul up the drawbridge and reinstate that protective moat around yourself. X*x

[Serenity]

Typing: I mean how much risk are you in, if you blew the whistle?

[Confused123]

Maybe I’m wrong but have spent since Sunday just crying , not having control of how I feel even though trying to focus on positive . I have text this aunt of his saying id like to chat with her , I’m gonna tell my side , why should I be portrayed to be the bad one , will tell my side , they may not care or might just gossip , but I want his family to know I walk away cause he tried to kill me , I want them to know how evil is his brother is . Will I be at risk , I d know , but have nightmares after not even talkin to his family so might as well have them for telling my side . Got to see if she responds or not , they can judge me if they want , beleive me or not beleive me it doesn’t make difference but I’m
Not going to let them have satisfaction thinking they help me , they d brill family , his family in (detail removed by moderator) can hear how me and my kids r traumatised … Just gotta be brave and follow this out

[Serenity]

Maybe you feel you need to tell your side. I have told a lot of people who I know what My ex has done. Just be extra careful and call the police if the b in law approaches you at all.

I understand that you want to speak out about the truth. Just take precautions.

You are doing really well. Allow yourself to cry and grieve. X*x

[Author]

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