Depression and anxiety

[Dededaisy]

Good evening ladies,
Since I’ve left the emotionally abusive relationship, my anxiety and depression has gone through the roof. I’m already on antidepressants but I feel low and frustrated with myself a lot of the time. I have also started to self harm- not by cutting- but I bang my head- I just get so frustrated with how I’m feeling, and why I let someone treat me like I did. I feel like I’ll never find anyone who will treat me right. I’ve gone from one who would physically hit me, to one who would mentally abuse and torment me. When you’ve been told so many times how pathetic and worthless you are, it’s true you start believing it yourself.
Do any of you lovely ladies have any tips on how to manage the depression and anxiety? Especially at night before bed- that’s when it’s at its worst.
Thank you and best wishes

[Lisa]

Hi Dededaisy,

I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Unfortunately it is really common for women to experience anxiety and depression after they have separated due to the trauma of these abusive relationships. At the time of separation you’re dealing with all the practical side to things and sometimes it’s only when we’ve had the chance to reflect; the space and time; that these issues can really have the biggest impact.

Lots of women describe the emotional abuse just as damaging as physical, if not more so, because it’s so exhausting and draining; you’re constantly left questioning yourself, so it’s completely understandable why you’re feeling the way you are. You’re not alone in this.

Have you tried any talking therapies/ counselling? This can be a really daunting/ scary process but lots of women find that it’s when you’ve really started to work through these issues that you can start to heal. Lots of local domestic abuse services offer specialist domestic abuse counselling so this might be a good place to start: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

If your antidepressants aren’t working/ you’re not feeling they’re right for you then I’d encourage you to go back to your GP and let them know as they may be able to change them/ change the dosage to something that works for you. Your GP may also be able to support you further around the self-harming.

Mind also have some support or suggestions for getting support specifically around the self-harming which you could have a look at: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm#.XekXipP7TtQ

Do take care and keep posting to let us know how you’re doing,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[fizzylem]

Hi DD, sounds like you’ve been through alot, that you need to process how you feel about it all.

There’s not one fix, its about finding a number of things that help, learning to recognise what I need, in this moment and today and giving this to yourself.

The self harm you describe sounds like pent up emotions, emotions that need expressing, working through, releasing, because you’re not expressing these they get stuck inside, its horrible when this happens, you feel stuck, need how you feel inside – out, the self harm becomes a way to change the frustration, take it somewhere else, a release of a kind in the pain, but it doesnt do a thing for the emotions, they return hey, self harm is a bit of a quick fix really.

I get this sometimes, I had it this week, after some stress, it feels like I want to pull out how I’m feeling from my chest and throw it as far away from me as I can, when I get like this what this tells me is that I need to express it with someone, and I find its most helpful to do this with a helper I do not know, on the phone, as this really frees me up to let it all go, be with it, in it, say exactly how I feel, get it all out and do what I need to do. I usually call the samaritans, dont know if youve tried them, they always answer and give me exactly what it is I need, a place to express how I’m feeling, with someone non judgemental and compassionate – and it works a treat for me, gives me exactly what it is I need.

Its like I need an emotional out pouring, and sometimes some help to work out what helps or what I need to do next, which they give. I end up feeling my feelings have been validated, not alone, that I am cared for by the samaritian, and worthy, human again, then I’m done, exhausted from it, but done and I can sleep, put the day to bed. Maybe try it?

Also, even though your motivation is low, daily acts of self care will be more healing to you than anything else, more water intake, smoothies, eating the green stuff, a haircut, a bubble bath, yoga, a walk, exercise, coffee with a friend, whatever it is you need – give this to yourself. This helps to shift the low self esteem, because after you’ve done it for a few weeks you begin to feel the benefits and start to see this is important and holds value to me, which then leaves you feeling I’m important and of value again – it’s the seeds and the water for self worth x

[sweety]

I am sorry for you darling, I know this feeling, but you can overpass this. A year ago I said to myself that I have to become stronger. I was doing yoga 3 times per week, started to learn something new, I never tried, like programming(is was hard though), spending time with my daughter and son, teaching them different things, and asking them to help with cleaning the house(usually I did that by myself). I left the man that was abusing me, and my life was ruined, but with all the things I described you previously, I started to find myself again. So don’t be afraid to learn something new and trust in your self, and never back down.

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