Depression

[RedFox]

Hey,

I have always been depressed. But now it’s worse because I have been abused and I’m still linked to my abuser, although it’s not my choice and I am stuck with him at the moment.

I have no motivation for anything. I work all day and am bored there so I only wait one thing, to be at home again. But when I am, all the stuff I imagine I’ll do, I don’t want to do them anymore. I don’t feel like it, I don’t want anymore. I stay there doing nothing, sleeping most of the time.
At the weekend I’ll do all the house stuff, looking forward to a well deserved rest, but it never comes.
Once I’m done with the hard work, again I wonder what to do with myself. All the things I imagined I will enjoy doing, I don’t want them anymore. So I just lay in bed, trying to forget I exist.
And then the weekend ends and I start being anxious about starting another week, being away from my cocoon. And it all starts again.

I know there is no magical answer but I wish there was one. Do you feel this way too? How to you stop this happening?

[Borntobefree]

Hi redfox

Sounds very like you are so exhausted hun
You could do with a break.. have you talked to your gp ..have some time of work..

It’s awful what these abusers do to our mental health

[RedFox]

I don’t want to blame him for it. As I said,
I have always experienced it. It’s just now I feel more isolated so it’s not helping but I always feels this way, and I did before him.

I feel useless.
I tried to get a nhs referral for counselling sessions, I had a phone assessment, they asked me if I was feeling suicidal and if I had made plans to kill myself. I haven’t, I don’t want to kill my self. They said they had too long waiting lists for putting me on it for counselling. They also had CBT but said it was not appropriate.

I don’t even feel like fighting for it, i fight for everything and i am exhausted.
My job keeps me sane, it forces me to see people and I’m good when I’m around people, I smile a lot. But there are days where I can’t force myself to work and I feel sh*t at what I do.

I just want to feel something, I want to look forward to doing things. Every event stresses me… and i stay there doing nothing because nothing is appealing, because what is the point? It’s almost like cleaning the house is the highlight of my week.

[teatime]

I feel same at the moment. It’s quite bad. Having trouble focussing.

[Author]

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