Despairing

[Headcook]

Another viewing down the pan

There was mould
A punch hole in a door triggered me recognised it instantly

I couldn’t bring myself to take it no matter how desperate I am

So down today
Not functioning
He’s speaking be it abrupt and short
She still silent
This is so affecting me trying so hard not to show it to her
Don’t no whom she thinks she is really rude and disrespectful

Want to just disappear

Hc

[Headcook]

I’m going crazy I’m going to do or say the wrong thing very soon
Son must no what this issue is And is allowing this to continue
It doesn’t make sense him speaking and her not
If she hates me why this insulting rude behaviour just say not held back before
My poor grandchild is so confused
If she’s allowed to come to me or not
Why can’t they see the damage to the child
I feel guilty keep leaving the room cause the air is toxic
So much whispering on the phone adds to it
Feels like I’m some part of a sick joke

Have been so down today been in bed most of it how did this end up here what did I do

Hc

[Hazydayz]

Hello Headcook. sorry to read your having a very bad day, hope tomorrow may be better?💞

[Headcook]

This house is a prison without chains
Dark gloomy with vipers in every room
I no I’m the only one that can release myself and I am trying so hard to make this happen
Being told I’m brave being told I’m doing so well why can’t I feel that too
Sitting at a table in silence is soul destroying
She looks so unwell so tired
But that’s all I see if I dare look in the mirror these days
He’s a complete nightmare to be around
They will never be happy there is no laughter no conversation just about the child obsessively on and on
Another n********t in the making I fear
I fear for baby
The silence is crippling me
My x used it many times
This ending here is exact same thoughts feelings of despair as when I was living my last times with him
This has taken over my life all over again
Complete full circle
Need to understand her to enable me to end this here with them once and for all

Hc

[Hazydayz]

I feel for you, really I do. Sometimes we can never get close enough to see and understand others? that’s the problem. Maybe? stop trying to, is the answer? and just live, enjoy your grandchild💞 it might just change everything? Fingers crossed for you! Big hug🤗

[Hazydayz]

Headcook 🙂 I’ve come back to you to add something that I think might be of help? You identified with my explanation of feeling alone in and out of relationships, do you remember? Well, I am thinking if you could relate so well to what I wrote then? maybe now too? I worry, that you are afraid of being alone? away from this family you live with? that you feel you are so unhappy around. You didn’t take the property offered you wrote about very recently, I read what you said we’re your reasons and I understand. I am wondering if there is something else? Some other unacknowledged feeling maybe? I’m not judgeing you please know that,just trying to help 💞🤗

[Headcook]

HD
Thank you
I have never lived alone and am scared because of unknown Perfectly normal as new chapter
I feel alone now and am surrounded by them
But not free to express myself
Not made to feel welcome in a room
Am unheard even when things were calmer
This is just years of persecution from son that have caught up mentally emotionally and health wise
I’m angry I didn’t act sooner
I’m sad at potential discard
the reality is I’m allowing myself to accept what all this is who he is after years of denial
And if I had keys to a property now I would leave this instant
I need to heal after I will have a lot of work to do so place has to feel safe feel comfortable I have lived in a place with mould and it wrecks havoc with my medical conditions the hole in door was just a trigger not a deal breaker as door would be replaced Think also it was concern for whom ever there was experiencing similar scenes maybe in fear
I am in turmoil over what happens to my grandchild after I leave I am scared for child I worry about safety when being left alone with him With me not here and won’t live with myself if something happens do I tell now do I keep quiet like up to now
What does stand out to me is I overlook myself I’m a massive People pleaser Empathy
I can’t be selfish it’s not in me and I certainly would never do any of the things being done to me
I believe in talking about things but I’m just stupid I’m this I’m that
He will get away with all this no one will believe me the smear of me has begun I’m too late this is insulting
I want to scream from the roof tops I’m being abused by my own son
I feel very different to all on here as it’s my family member a person that is supposed to care but doesn’t

I truely appreciate you’re reply bless you
I’m just a useless case that needs constant validation and for that I’m sorry

Hc

[Hazydayz]

Dear Headcook, I hear you and I do understand. Your not a useless case and please don’t be sorry for needing support. It is very damaging when you have to deal with abuse in any form but having it from your son is a terrific heartbreaker I’m sure of that. It brings to mind from what you have mentioned about THEM… What’s that saying…? A son’s a son till he finds a wife? I do imagine what that might feel like to mothers who feel that? I had daughters, so can only add, the other half of the saying that is….a daughter is a daughter all her life! apparantly? If the following isn’t now mostly ommited by Lisa? I will share this with you… My eldest and my youngest daughter’s have been estranged from me for periods of time during the last few years due to family issues that tore us all apart almost! But I am working on building and bridging these precious relationships. It’s not easy. My middle daughter has caused a lot of pain to all and herself too she realises now, but we remain very close, and that has placed me at odds with the others who cannot understand a mother’s love and support for all her children? Yet! Maybe in time? Hopefully? It kills me seeing how it affects her that her sisters have cast her out! Also, her children taken from her and adopted 😭 and nothing I could do? Yes, I know about feeling pain and worry for grandchildren too. All I can offer is… In time maybe? it will all come right for you? Miracles do happen sometimes. I also do understand about the health affects from trying to deal with everything your going through and have gone through. The offer of that place, the fear, the uncertainty of who lived there before? Would they have resentment losing there home maybe? Bare grudges if hanging around locality maybe? also who would the neighbours be? Possible friends of the previous nasty tenant/ offender maybe? Lots of maybe’s to worry about arn’t there! The mould issue is enough not to take that place offered. I lived in a place like that before this place I live in now and it is a killer for asthmatics isn’t it! If you suffer as one? Summing up now, You have to believe! believe that something is going to come along make everything ok? that’s all you can do. Hold onto hope and you know what? Something usually does, doesn’t it. Don’t worry if you can help it about all possible bad stuff? What if’s? it’s natural to, I know, but that’s associated anxiety isn’t it? Try to live your life, moving forward, don’t look back! If you can help it? I’d Keep looking for a new home, if you can manage it? I think it’s going to be good for you and good for all. Maybe? your just all living on top of each other, after all, they need to be their own family too; don’t they. Your a nice caring person I’m sure about that, so care now about you and your future and make it happen! your family will sort themselves, you won’t lose them, your a valuable grandmother, your not useless!💞

[Lisa]

Hi Headcook

I just wanted to show you some support. I can see that Hazydayz has given you really supportive replies.

I’m so sorry to hear about your situation, it must be a really awful environment to live in. I just wanted to give you some advice regarding your grandchild who I know you are worried about. Please contact social services to express your concerns, it is their role to make sure your grandchild is safe. At least then when you do leave, you can be reassured that they will follow up and make sure your grandchild is safe.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Hazydayz]

Yes of course! Lisa is right about contacting social services if you have serious concerns for your grandchild that is very important! 💞

[Hazydayz]

And…if things are so very seriously damaging to your grandchilds welfare? it’s possible that you may need to prepare yourself for any eventuality? Be strong for your grandchilds sake as well as yours💞

[KIP.]

That’s simply child abuse. Children witnessing this is child abuse.

[Headcook]

This is not how her family are being treated
With there setting up on there own
They are included they are part of it like how it would be normally when you child leaves home
I don’t even no where they are going to be living been told it’s none of my business

I always wanted the best for him to be happy like any mum,It’s normal to leave home
A normal leaving home would not end like this
Being shut out when you’ve done nothing Wrong
All I’ve done is accept abuse cover for him
And this is my ending

Hc

[Hazydayz]

I don’t know what to say except for, that poor child. I agree with KIP

[Headcook]

I should never have outed him
I should never have challenged him
I should just take all the blame as they say it’s me

I deserve this ending

[Headcook]

No one has ever stayed in my life
All have discarded me
What was the purpose of me
I am no use to anyone
Years of hell to end up the problem

Hc

[queenmaeve]

That is child abuse if that’s how they are behaving. Get out of that house for your own sanity as soon as possible!

[Author]

Posts