Did I cause this?

[Dragonfly]

I’m beginning to wonder and question myself now because I was attacked again but this time it was by a ‘friend’. Ive known her for many years but over the last few months I noticed abusive traits from her then eventually she attacked me in my home. I called the police and got her out. One thing she screamed at me when in full physical attack mode was (Detail removed by Moderator)

I’m wondering if I do something to cause this or somehow wind people up so they feel the need to abuse me. I know logically that’s ridiculous but why does it keep happening to me? It never happened in my younger years. I say NO now so maybe they don’t like to hear that? I’m just really struggling to find out why although I also think there is no reason.

[everythingwillworkout]

Hi Dragonfly, so sorry that something so horrible happened to you and so sorry that something so horrific was said to you by that horrible abuser. Honestly, abusers get angry about everything. Once my ex got fuming angry because I forgot to drink the tea he made me. He shoved me when I said, (Detail removed by Moderator) Anything and everything can and does set them off – you didn’t do ANYTHING! You didn’t do anything. They will attack and strike out for the slightest thing, them and their worlds are unhealthy and distorted, it’s not you or anything you did.

[Dragonfly]

Hey. Thanks for reassuring me. Inside I know I’ve done nothing to deserve any of this, none of us have but I’m sure we all must question and doubt ourselves sometimes. Just seems unbelievable what these creatures do.(Detail removed by Moderator) To think she was there supporting me when my ex was charged with assaulting me. Pot kettle!

I’m off work with stress because this has triggered feelings PTSD from the past. I’m having nightmares about the ex again, waking up and he immediately comes into my head. Just got to deal with it again I suppose.

[maddog]

You have done nothing wrong at all, Dragonfly. Nothing at all. Well done for clocking the abusive traits in this woman. her behaviour is entirely hers.
I told my ex husband far too early on about a rape I had experienced. Much later I asked him if he remembered anything I’d told him and his response was, oh wasn’t that the man who tried to seduce you?

I think these people have an alternative reality. I think there is something wrong with their brains that they can’t accept responsibility. They turn things around and blame the victim for their behaviour.

[everythingwillworkout]

I agree with you Dragonfly, I totally get where you are coming from with beating yourself up and questioning yourself – knowing it’s not rationally our fault doesn’t stop us from beating ourself up. Sorry to hear about your PTSD flareup. Are you going for any trauma therapy? I found Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing to be amazing, it is recommended on the NHS and was incredible for me. Hope you feel better soon and sorry for all you have been through x

[Dragonfly]

Thank you ladies. I’ve been reading a lot about this horror and it’s helping. Knowledge is key! Still takes a while to comprehend tho (unsure if I ever will). I’ve previously had counselling which helped but people have an attitude of it happened aaaaages ago you’re over it now. I suppose you can’t understand unless you’ve lived it x

[freedomtochoose]

No, you totally didn’t cause it. We all have our achilles heels as human beings and I believe there are some people who zoom right in on these due to their own insecurities and also deep down I believe and have read that abusers are fundamentally so insecure that they do not believe that anyone could ever truly care for them and therefore the only response for them is to hit back emotionally and physically…

I don’t know if this makes sense for anybody but it goes some way to help me – as it points me towards a kind of mental health defence which is continuing to remind myself in various ways that I, ME am worthy of love and affection, no matter what anyone else is doing.

For me this is kind of an antidote to it all. If that makes sense.

Sorry about the PTSD flare up. It seems very difficult for certain people to understand that these things can come back if we are under too much of the wrong kind of stress.

So I’m working on extreme self-care at the moment. Cancelled seeing someone at the weekend who was not being very helpful, even if I have to go it alone over the next few weeks, what is the worst that can happen. I get things done. I sleep.

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