Did i get it wrong after all?

[Starmoon]

I haven’t heard anything from him in days. It’s taking all my strength not to msg him so I’m sorry I post here so often… I’d rather here than to him.
Usually when he leaves me he sends so many emails and by now he’s usually attempting to get me back. Our baby is born now so things are different. He’s arranging contact via my mum and yesterday he had both our baby and my daughter for a few hours which I found so incredibly hard. Allowing him to see my daughter was the hardest of it.
Anyway because I’ve heard nothing from him it makes me believe he must be so angry at me. Maybe he was rite all along?! The thing that lead him to leaving me was that I recorded him whilst we were having an ‘argument’ (he realized what I was doing and deleted the recording- in fact deleted all my recordings including ones of my daughter singing and all sorts). At the time I was feeding our baby and felt extremely intimidated. I didn’t plan on recording him- it wasn’t premeditated… I just kinda did it. It was a split second thing, an attempt to maybe get him to realize what he sounded like and how scary he was. I’m not an evil person… I wasn’t doing it to get him in trouble or to set him up (as he says that’s why I did it) But now I’m doubting myself now. Was my perception of the situation wrong. Was I totally out of order for recording him. I felt I was justified at the time otherwise I’m sure I wouldn’t have done it… But now I’m not so sure I was. Otherwise surely he’d have realized by now why I did it?!
There was some violence.. Not allot.. He hit me in the arm and back a few times, pushed me about and grabbed me by the throat. It feels like the people I have told about this are only focusing on that. But if I hadn’t have told them, would they still be telling me it was domestic abuse??

[katielove]

Hi Starmoon,

You were right. You write in your post:’There was some violence.. Not allot.. He hit me in the arm and back a few times, pushed me about and grabbed me by the throat’. This is completely wrong and against the law. He sounds like a horrible man. Does it matter the reason that people are telling you it’s domestic abuse? The behaviour you have described above is very dangerous and you and your children should not be subjected to it and the childern should not be near it. It has lasting effects on children.
I don’t know your story but wonder why you are letting him see your daughter ( I read into the post that he is not her dad). Have you got a non-molestation order in place? I would be talking to the police about the assaults on you and putting things in place to ensure the emotional and physical safety of your children.
Do not doubt yourself. No one should lay a finger on another person. Ever. Let alone someone who professes to love them!
I recorded my ex. I felt, like you, some strange drive to do it. And no, it isn’t wrong. They are wrong for putting us in the position that we felt we had to do it. In a loving, sharing relationship this would NEVER occur. He sounds horrible and you have the right thing staying away from him. Now think about your children – do they need the same protection?

Take care and well done for making the first, really hard steps x

[undertherainbow]

From reading your post I think you recording him has potentially scared him and you’ve made a stand to show you’re capable of pointing out his abuse. Stay strong and be proud of yourself. In regards to him not contacting you, whilst it hurts and is probably just part of his game… Think of this, do you really want a man who has emotionally and physically hurt you to be in touch? You deserve so much better than that.
X

[Author]

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