Did they ever care?

[Wateringcan]

I’ve had a bad evening and a lot of things bringing back bad memories. Its made me think did he actually ever even love me? Did he just use me the whole relationship? Hes the only man ive ever loved so everything i felt and everything i did was genuine. But i guess theres was fake? A show perhaps. Kind of a hard pill to swallow.

[KIP.]

I think their kind of love is about ownership and control and possession and how you make them feel. About getting their needs met and selfishness. They love that feeling of power but because they are so insecure and damaged, the relationship is always doomed from the beginning. Love doesn’t harm us, love doesn’t control and damage us, love wants us to thrive and be free to choose. My ex when he was trying to make me jealous told me ‘someone else is interested in me’. Always made me think that I would have said I’m interested in someone else. They crave that adoration. I’m lucky I have the ability to love unconditionally. These men will never feel that. Those memories and feelings are yours to keep. I will be very careful next time to choose someone worthy of my love x

[Onwardsupwards]

I often wonder, and think we’ll he did. He wanted to protect t me. But then, no He was controlling me! All of it is about control😪

[Fudgecake]

They do, but it’s conditional love.
They have a mental contract drawn up solely by themselves with lots of fine print.
“Sign here, my love…No,no you don’t have to read it!”

Like if a spider asked a fly on a date?

[Dolly2019]

I have been asking myself the exact same question. @KIP, my ex used to say “(detail removed by moderator)..”

I’m struggling with the aftermath of knowing he is out there, in the world, not “killing himself” as he threatened, but getting up to work and managing his life in a way he couldn’t be bothered when he was with me.

I feel truly sick about that. All his threats about “(detail removed by moderator)..”

Yet now he’s up and out working 4 / 5 days out of 7. Why didn’t he do that when I asked him to, to show he loved and cared enough to do it? He can do it now. After being arrested and bailed. I feel so used by him. Their “love” can only be about getting their needs met. Nothing else. How can it be anything other than that? It is fully conditional and the conditions change all the time without you being told. It’s hell and not a form of “love” a woman should have to endure.

X

[Rollercoaster]

I dont believe they know what love is. Quite possibly because they had damaged up bringings and not shown true love.

With my ex I truly dont think he understands his own actions. I think he thinks he loves me and our children, but sadly he has no knowledge of what that actually means.

I debate it all the time, but always conclude he genuinely cannot see his wrong doings. There is always an excuse and someone else to blame. He will not listen to anyone that tries to tell him something different.

[Author]

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