did your exes actually get worse

[betterdays]

When they got a new partner? X

[KIP.]

Yes, it gave my ex a high. He treated me with a callous discard, with a haughty contempt. His ego was being massaged elsewhere, he was wrapped up in this other woman, he really didn’t care. It’s like he had someone else to go as a fall back, but he wouldn’t just go! He hung around to cause as much damage to me as he could. Eventually assaulting me, Rubbing my nose in his new relationship. Telling me how wonderful she was etc. Looking back, if she was that wonderful, why was he carrying on living with me. ‘Living with the dominator’ has a section on how they will find another woman and try to use them to hurt and control you. The biggest shock he got was when I went to a solicitor for a divorce. Selfish nasty men. They only care about themselves x

[betterdays]

Hi kip yes my ex has gone on to another I never thought he had it in him. Never told his son he wernt going to tell me I’d to prize it out of him as I’d a feeling but he were nervous telling me. But I’ve completely cut of now from him x

[KIP.]

Well done betterdays. Keep your guard up because these abusers know it’s easier to recycle an old victim than to break in a new one. As soon as this new ‘relationship’ goes wrong he will be right back at your door. You have to keep no contact. I found out my ex had cheated before. It’s a major characteristic of abusers. Lying and cheating seems to come naturally. And they always have some rubbish justification when they get caught. Mine even told me he’d tried to tell me three or four times, but I just wouldn’t listen. What the hell! So it’s my fault he got caught cheating. I know it might not feel like it but this is a good thing. A chance to distance yourself from him and heal and realise he is an abuser. I hope he is distracted long enough for you to fully recover and kick him into touch.

[betterdays]

Thanks kip in the end he found I were too strong especially having done 3 freedom programmes. Having. But he had kept reeling me vack in a year acter separation. Were only (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago he wanted to be here with me and kids then he’s suddenly seeing someone. I won’t lie I’m heartbroken especially as the son I hace to him has autism. Last time we saw him he tried crashing the car up with me and his son in it x

[KIP.]

Even more reason to be rid of him. Youre allowed to be heartbroken and grieve for your relationship, I did too. It goes to show how big a liar he is too. Your son is lucky to have you and even luckier his dad is out his life. Better no contact than abusive contact x

[betterdays]

Very true kip in fact he will have to be on his best behaviour with this women as she’s 2 sons that can handle themselves he’s smitten not a care for his son x

[KIP.]

With mine I think it was the honeymoon phase of a new relationship that got him excited, I always remember WA saying, let her have him, in 18 months, you will have moved on and the reality of a relationship will have hit him long ago, the mask will have slipped x

[betterdays]

Thing that puzzles me is why he’s chose the woman he has because he knows he will get more than he bargained for. And if he were nasty (detail removed by Moderator) how will he change now x

[Healthyarchive]

KIP, your words are really helping me, thank you x❤

[SaharaD]

Fortunately my thoughts and emotions on if my ex became worse on his new partner is: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Do I go snooping on his social media? No. I’m lucky I have no kids with him as I can go full no contact. I don’t know where he lives and I haven’t seen him in over 2 years. I don’t even know if he has a new partner. Fortunately I have no conversations with him by verbal or text means for him to rub it all in my face. Luckily I have also moved away from the area and keep my address secret from everyone except officials and professionals.

Since your perpetrator has no interest in his own children this is a perfect time to go full no contact. Block him and tell other people not to pass on any information about him to you.

I have told family and friends and associates not to pass on any information about him to me. I don’t want to know.

I have no idea how to get better if your abuser is prancing around in front of you flaunting his disregard. I think some of the other ladies are better at blocking it out but if I had kids I would just move away so I don’t have to see him on a regular basis. If I had to by court order allow him to see the kids, I would just drop them off at his relatives or the bus or train station and then walk or drive away with very limited interaction with him or anyone with him.

[Serenity]

Yes. It was like he’d been given some massive ego massage and injected with a mammoth arrogance, even worse than usual. He seemed to derive a sick pleasure from causing me distress.

I was so naive, I didn’t twig that him spending a whole night out might have something to do with him sleeping with someone. He was always arrogant, but he became much worse. It was sickening. It was like he was passionately in love with himself. I found out a few weeks later that he’d been seen with a woman.

[Healthyarchive]

Dear Betterdays, I agree with what all of the other women have said, I still think it would be good for you if you could move away, to where you were thinking of before, a proper fresh start for the 4 of you. Also don’t forget that its important to mix with people who are positive and encourage the 4 of you to do positive things, completely non abusive people or those who would not encourage abuse. In the past I have hung around with people who brought me down, made me feel bad or didn’t help me in some may. My ex was a useless piece of **** who brought me right down and virtually destroyed me. Your question about why he has chosen this woman, I can bet you that it was a combination of flirting in the pub fueled by alcohol, attention on both sides the prospect of a bit of fun (sex), him needing a woman (to get rid of some of his building aggression or for sex), him not considering the consequences regarding her aggressive sons, it probably did not even cross his mind, they tend to think with their ***k at times like this. Give it time Betterdays, this will look very different in a couple of weeks, prepare for the fireworks! X*X

[betterdays]

Thanks for your posts everyone fantastic support from u all and so much appreciated I may not say a lot but I really am grateful xx

[Healthyarchive]

You are doing fantastically Bdays. Don’t forget to prepare yourself for the roller coaster of emotions that will hit you every day: Anger, jealousy, confusion, obsessive thinking, intrusive thoughts, trouble sleeping, dreams of your ex, depression, loneliness, emptiness. You are likely to feel these things for a while. But all the while you are away from him you and your boys will be healing from within. In time you will;

Smile, feel safe, feel younger, brighter, more optimistic. Your kids can feel like kids and do kids stuff, excelling at some school subjects or hobbies maybe. You could train professionally Bdays, there is no reason why not. X*X

[betterdays]

I’ve been playing computer games tonight colouring. Ha and playing music and dancing with the boys had a mad hour… thanks guys ur all fantastic people x*x

[Healthyarchive]

That is great, real bonding time, these are the sorts of times kids remember when they are older. Special times as a child with their mum. X*X

I bet your kids have a nice warm feeling inside at having this mad hour at home, i’m pleased for you. X*X

[Healthyarchive]

Dear BDs, don’t forget to still read the other ladies posts, i just read a post written by Confused 123 where she made a comment about being single & relocating to get away from abuser & his family. You might find it helpful.

[betterdays]

Me and my boys happiness means more than him and her let him have her. I had him nearly (detail removed by Moderator) I know what he’s about 1st hand the very best of luck to her xx

[Healthyarchive]

& you & your boys will thrive without him or any abusive influence just you wait & see. X*X

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