Difficult day

[Eve1]

I often don’t feel great after visiting my parents, which I did yesterday. I’ve written on here before how i can see that my dad was abusive when I was growing up and of course now I know so much about it I are see it all the more. Mum wasn’t feeling great yesterday, she’s getting pretty frail, so I spent some time in the bedroom with her chatting a bit, which I find easier than chatting with Dad around. She is lovely in a lot of ways but I can tell that she thinks a husband is missing from my life! She says it kind of jokingly but I don’t think she believes I have any status without one. It’s amazing to me that she thinks this even though I know she wanted to leave my Dad at one point and he really hasn’t changed! I think my life would have been different, ( I hope), if I hadn’t grown up sensing this was true. I knew from observing my parents that I was, at the very least, ambivalent about marriage and I married later than most friends. But it always felt disloyal to say anything bad about my parents relationship and so I just ignored that little voice. Then ignored it for many years in my own marriage. Partly because I’m still feeling low, I know, I feel very aware that I’m suddenly quite old (can’t give my age but I’m probably one of the oldest ladies on here) and I’ve got no security to speak of.
Still not feeling great from the antidepressants, but I’m planning on trying to take it easy for a few days ( as much as you can work a child and a house to look after).
I hate this lethargic feeling the tablets are giving me. Sitting around just makes my thoughts race. Just feel disappointed about everything today, partly from seeing parents.
Take care
Eve
x

[Ayanna]

Hi Eve1, I also have issues with my parents. They, especially my father, were abusive when I was a child. They were a brilliant couple, but abused their children, physically, emotionally, mentally, financially.
They are elderly now and not healthy. I had years when I did not talk to them, but for the last few years we were very close. They were emotionally supportive when I fled and my father gave me money on several occasions, which he never did before.
Both of them feel better after having been sick for a long time. Now my father’s real character comes out again. He said I should not drive a car and he wants me to join the church and retreat to find peace of mind. He knows that I am not religious. When I am at their house my father is very controlling how much water I use, that I do not put on the heating, …. They are not poor, the opposite is the case. Well, I am at a distance again, because I do not want to go through the motions with them again.
I am most happy when I am all by myself, watching movies and cooking nice food for myself.
I hope you still enjoy the Sunday. x*x

[Hopesprings]

Just want to show some support xx I know the feeling of your parents feeling disappointed in you not having a husband. I’m young but my mum has passed comments on how she’s not going to get grandchildren etc. Sometimes I think she would rather I stayed with my abuser than be an independent woman. She’s got me down as being single the rest of my life no matter how much I tell her after what I’ve been through I don’t want want another man in my life at the moment but will some day. I think we all have some of the same problems at any age. I’ve grown up with my parents in an unhappy marriage and my mum bouncing from abusive man to abusive man. She herself can be quite nasty and put me down. I think the most important thing is you take care of you. I hope the antidepressants start to work for you soon. Xx

[missgiddypants]

hugs Eve 1 not have that problem any more as my abusive parents have long since departed this world so I not have to listen to them ,also have a bro and sis gone too ,and my only remaining sister not have time for me too wrapped up in her own little world ,she knows what I’VE been through and her oh is abusive to her too ,been in my house few years but she has never been here ,
never been on anti depressants so don’t know how they make you feel
I have actually built myself a life in the years I have been in my house and done it all by myself without any help from anyone xx

[Eve1]

Thanks for your support. I’m happy to be on my own. I shouldn’t let age bother me. I got away from him and that’s the main thing. Being abused does change you as I’m realising and even years later it’s not over is it?It’s harder finding a job than I thought it would be. I hope I find something decent eventually.
My daughter has just brought my daughter back. He’s bought her Easter presents so she’s happy. He still brings her to the door and gives her a hug goodbye and tells her he loves her which is c@#p as far as I’m concerned. If he loved her he wouldn’t be shouting at me that he never wanted a second child, when she was (detail removed by moderator) years old and could hear him. They make me sick.

Eve
x

[Ayanna]

Yes, forget about the age. One day, when I am 70, I will ride in an open cabriolet on a country road with my white hair flying in the wind and shouting whatever comes to my mind. 🙂 🙂 🙂

[Pinkbottletop]

I know how you feel. I grew up watching my parents at constant war. It got worse the older I got. My dad was awful at one stage. Hit my mum in front of me and my brother, would take the car from her if she annoyed him, called her nasty names, acted like God. Then my first major relationship ends up being abusive and he acts so disappointed in me. I don’t see how he can play that card. Seeing men bully women is all I know. My brother has grown up to be a bully to women too.

I suppose you just have to try to get past it. If you figure out a way, do let me know!

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