Difficult phase

[Serenity]

It’s been a difficult few months, all in all.

My ex is still refusing to pay Child Maintenance and keeps trying to engineer situations where he hopes we will be forced to meet. It’s stressful. Plus I had family situations and, lately, the horrible experience of dishonest lodgers in my home. It’s all been hugely triggering.

I had a delayed reaction to the latest situation, in that this week I suddenly felt massively triggered. My anxiety was huge. My health issue also worsened. My body was in so much pain.

My eldest had a talk with me today. He said that I look pale, drawn and not happy. I’ve been trying so hard to hide my real state. But I suppose you can’t. He says I’ve been looking like that for months.

I could hear my ex in his words: my son says he can understand that it’s hard being a single mum to them two boys, as they are quite demanding! I said no, it’s not them: that it’s other issues and my health playing up.

How my ex would love to get the kids to think I couldn’t cope. I can cope far better with him not around! And how he’d love to make the kids feel it’s their fault. In fact, my ex’s continued abuse is a large factor.

I was doing so well. My pain was so bad yesterday that I had some wine. The alcohol dulls the pain. But then, of course, the anxiety increases and it can make you feel emotional. Alcohol is not the solution. How my would love to make out I am turning into an alcoholic. He’d exaggerate anything, anything to take my beautiful boys off me.

I was upset today as my youngest said to me that I am normally the loveliest mum in the world, but sometimes I get all nervy and wound up. That’s the PTSD: he can tell when I’m triggered. How awful that it’s still impacting on us all.

Do you ladies manage to keep calm all the time? Do you ever cry in front of your kids? I try so hard to put on a brave face, despite ongoing threats: but it’s so hard to keep the brace face going when you feel others are abusing and pressurising you. And when you’re triggered, it’s hard to hide it. It’s not always possible to be the graceful swan.

I wanted it to all be so positive. I’ve ended up triggered and having horrid people in my home. I remember a lady I know said to cherish these yearsI face with them before they fly the nest and to build memories. I don’t want the kids to have memories of me stressed and horrible tenants. Something needs to change.

[Ayanna]

Serenity, you are only human.
Even someone without any health issues and without PTSD is not 100% at all times. Nobody is perfect. Maybe your son is genuinely concerned?
What comes to my mind is that I would say to him that he should try to grow up a bit because life is tough and he needs to start early to face the challenges in order to remain on the winners’ front 🙂
All parents are stressed at times. It is unrealistic to think that life is never stressful. There is nothing wrong with the bad experience you had with the tenants. Call it life experience, for yourself as well as for the kids. They can learn from it too, for their own lives in the future.

I found that N-Acetyl-Tyrosine helps immensely, and Vit B2 in a high dose. Also Vit D3 taken with an oil and magnesium at least 600mg for a while are essential.
I love hot magnesium salt baths with aroma oils and almond oil. My body pain is reduced loads after such a bath.
Big hugs! xx

[Serenity]

Thank you, Ayanna. Those pampering ingredients sound heavenly. I will try some.

I know, I am hard on myself. Thank you for your support. I hope you are doing ok x

[Confused123]

hey hun

its ok to have bad days, im going through such a stressful time myself at the moment but u know what if u need to rest a few days , thats fine, the latest news i had which i wont say what it was, had me in tears for few days, the stress was just clear on my face, u just couldnt hide it, kids are good at picking up vibes and tension, i just told my son my news i received was upsetting and unsettling and not to worry if im sad as just adapting to news , but im still ok.

I think its really nice your son understands how stressful it can be , being a single parent, again when my children say same to me, i acknowledge what they are saying , and confirm im ok, i even confirm yes it is hard sometimes, but life is also hard, i continue to being the good role model i am , like u do as well .

its ok to rest and reflect on whats going on our life and then put action of plan in place, its not easy i know, but u will always have us ladies to support u as much as we can,

[Confused123]

hope u got your lodgers out too

[Goldengirl]

Hi, Serenity. Hope you are feeling better. Big hugs to you. As to what to do in front of boys, this would depend on their age and maturity. Mine are teenagers and, other than very personal stuff, I decided early on to tell them all the facts. I feel they are mature enough to see when things get on top of me, when things are good and when things are going ok. You know your boys and are doing a wonderful job. Life is full of ups and downs and they need to be prepared for a life like that. Again, though, it depends on their age. Good luck to you.

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