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Although im estranged from my husband & i intellectually recognise the abusive behaviours in him im still thinking about him & wondering if he’s ok. This will be the first time in over 20 years we’ve had no contact at Christmas. I don’t want contact with him & he knows that & I feel anxious in case he turns up at my house, but I still feel really sad?!
It’s such a messed up bag of emotions that contradict each other. We’ve been separated for (detail removed by Moderator) years now but I still feel stuck on this merry go round & he uses his MH issues to try and elicit responses from me. He knows the buttons to press. I just wish I could switch off from it all.
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Hi,
I’m feeling the same as you, and I bet lots of ladies are too.
Take this time for self care, look after yourself.
Do things you want to do.
Maybe things you weren’t allowed to do whilst together?My IDVA sent this out the other day-
Just remember, there is no Christmas rule book. No law to say you have to have turkey, or have to visit family. You need to do whatever it takes to make it as easy on yourself as possible, and get through it with as least stress as possible.
Its OK to put yourself first. Self care is not selfish, its necessary.
The very reason you are reading this email, and you know me, is because someone didn’t put YOU first. So take charge and do what works for you. Its OK for things to be different.
We may or may not have spoken about my feelings about TV and media at Christmas, and the pressure we feel to make things perfect. I feel it too. That’s the power of media. But let me assure you, NOBODY ive ever met has a table that looks like the one on the Aldi advert, covered in delicious food, and theres no such thing as a perfect Christmas. I don’t remember a single gift I was given as a child, but I do remember I was loved. Gifts are just stuff – expensive stuff!. Love, we can give in spades, and for free.
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Thank you Footballfan1, it is a difficult time of year and as you say the media & TV portray this perfect Christmas that in reality doesn’t exist. I just feel really anxious & on edge as well as sad 😞 hope you have a peaceful Christmas x
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I’ve been feeling exactly the same, it’s a horrible feeling isn’t it.
My mental health had been OK up until this week.
I broke up from work and that was what kept me going, working a mentally crazy job, bringing up the kids, chores, then suddenly this week, we are all at home and I’ve completed all my chores, wrapped all the presents.
I’m like, oh what do I do now!!
It’s made me feel on edge and uncomfortable.
My (detail removed by Moderator) has been unwell so we haven’t gone out much , I don’t think that has helped, being stuck indoors.
Can you do any nice scenic walks to clear your mind and give you something pretty to look at?
Thank you, I hope you have a peaceful Christmas too.
Xx
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G
Footballfan1, I’m going to spend some time outdoors at the (detail removed by Moderator) & with my family. I don’t want to stay at home much over the next 24-48 hrs incase I get an unexpected visitor. I know it doesn’t sound very festive but I’m just finding it all really stressful & anxiety provoking. -
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I saw my ex with our child for Christmas and it hurts, I feel sorry for him, plus I wanted our family to work. But my kids are sick and he couldn’t wait to get us out, been no offer of support or follow up check ins, there were alcohol cans around his house – this is the reality I need to remember. I’m sad as my first Christmas out is now marred with sickness but as others have said, there’s no rules are there, my youngest won’t know any different if we do something Boxing Day instead. Interestingly the only house I’ve ever seen with a tv type spread was my ex’s family, who are abusive and I realise now were just putting on the show they thought was expected at Christmas, rather than actually having a day people enjoyed.
Many years ago when my eldest was at their dads and I was home alone I went for a walk Christmas evening and the world was so quiet yet beautiful with the lights it’s always stuck with me. I hope you find something to do which you’ll enjoy but even if you can’t this time, don’t worry, the day will pass and others will come xx
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OMG this just sums up my Christmas Eve. It doesn’t matter that I know I’m in much better place now without my abuser being my life and I have every order under the sun to keep me safe and protected, I have spent fer too much of today worrying about how they are feeling, are they safe and not sleeping on the streets.
I’m worth a lot more than worrying about someone who knowingly hurt me so much and I have all the strength, courage and bravery to be me. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and do video calls with my wonderful family who are overseas and we’ll open our presents online,I could never do that before as my abuser was so jealous, so rather than losing something I’ve gained something beyond measure.
Whatever happens be brave, courageous and dare to embrace the chance to move on. Happy Christmas everyone, it’s only one day out of 365 and the remaining 364 have a lot more to offer.
Lots of love
M xxxx -
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So much pressure at this time. It’s one day , there is no perfection in life and no perfection in Christmas Day! Do what YOU want and what makes you feel good about yourself. I have a friend who spends all day in pyjamas with her cats. That makes her happy.
There are no rules. We are conditioned by people, advertising about how we should live our life. These adverts are so disingenuous.
Be true to yourself and what you feel like doing. It’s ok to be still.
To walk, watch, listen. To understand and listen to your own feelings.
Lots of love. -
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