Difficulties with speech

[LozzyX]

I’ve been in an emotionally abusive relationship for many yrs now (more than 10 (detail removed by Moderator))
I did almost leave once but took him back. We have actually had some happy times ..but recently warning signs are getting louder. I occasionally audio record when he is being nasty… So I can try and listen back to see if he really is that bad, and if so to encourage me to leave.
I brought myself round to listening to a couple of the recordings today…and was shocked not just at the way he speaks to me…..but me!!!! I sound so timid and ive never noticed before but in the last 18 months or so on these recordings ive developed a stammer.
.I’ve been reading up.on causes of stammer…adult onset stammers can be caused by extreme emotional trauma.
I am going to record myself in convos with others see if I’m still stuttering and slurring to find the right words ..(I am not taking drugs or alcohol at all in these convos ).. .. or if it’s just around him?
I’m just so shocked at how I sound…not the fiery me who used to stand up to bullies at school or work , sticking up for others etc , where has that me gone??

Has anyone else noticed any physical/neurological changes in themselves after experiencing any type of abuse ?

[Marmalade]

Hi LozzyX,
Yes this is familiar. You are the first person I have heard of who also reports a stammer but I’m sure there are others. Its not good. My relationship was predominantly coercive control but with a fair amount of other abuses involved (not actual violence).
I developed a stammer which got worse and worse. In my case it was only when talking to my (now) ex. I got so bad I couldn’t talk. I actually couldn’t get any words out. I couldn’t make myself understood. I also used to shake but inside as well as outside. It felt as though everything inside me was trembling. It reached the point that he only had to look at me a certain way to get that reaction. In my case it was terror. I had become terrified of him and the consequences of disobeying him in anything.
It is no way to live, no way to exist. From my experience it gets worse and the men sense their power increasing and get a real buzz from it.
I was also a very strong, confident woman who took no nonsense. I was reduced to a shell. I no longer recognise myself.
I have been left with complex PTSD, anxiety and serious anxiety attacks in trigger situations.
Don’t follow my path. Speak to the chat line at Womens Aid. Find your local DA agency, get some support and start considering your future. You will have options but get some support and chat things through.
Good luck.

[Bananaboat]

That’s interesting I do this, it’s like I lose all words and can’t talk. I often clam up and then get accused of being difficult. Obviously he’d also throw it back at me ‘look you can’t even talk’, and I assumed it was a confidence thing but perhaps it’s all linked!

[LozzyX]

Thank you for responding both.
Thus stammer and my recent lack of energy n flu symptoms /not recovering from colds etc, are all wake up calls. I’ feel totally defeated n no energy, but I’ll start making those calls n try bit by bit to get myself free now… My body can’t take it much more

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