Discarded!

[Flyflyaway]

Hi all my emotionally abusive partner has discarded me again, 3rd time in the last 3 weekends! First time he apologised, last weekend I begged him back, which I regretted but couldnt handle the pain at the time. This time good riddance! I’ve blocked him on everything! He ment it last time, so I’m pretty sure this time is for good in his mind (Defiantly in mine). It’s funny because yesterday I was the perfect little house wife, cleaned up after him, made him food when he got home, made his pack lunch for today, sorted his laundry out etc, and yet he went to the gym played computer games and was really distant with me. I haven’t slept all night because I knew something was coming, all I wanted was to feel safe in this relationship stability wise, and he could never give me that. I thought about it last night all these years I have gave him everything I have and would of done anything for him which he knew and yet he gave me nothing but hate or just drips of hope. That love that was once there,fizzled out a long time ago, I realize I thought I stayed with him out of love but actually it’s the addiction of wanting his comfort that he makes me crave so badly after every outburst and the fantasy that if i stay a day, a month things will change. My anxiety was always blamed, and hes in denial about his anger

[Flyflyaway]

I have lost nearly everything i once had, money, job, my self esteem, my mind, friends, time but do you know what the feeling i have right now is relief like i can finally breath! I know things are going to be tough, but if i can get through this ( which i will) i can get through anything! And im sure the feeling of needed him and loving him will come but ive got to be strong and see him for who he truelly is. We are our own prince charming, we dont need a man…. especially the men who do not know are worth x

[lover of no contact]

Welcome and well done for reaching out for help. You are in day 1 of recovery. Believe me you are in day 1 of getting back your self-esteem, your time, your money, friends(us to start with; all the ladies on here are fab), your peace of mind.No more dread (of when his nasty will appear), no more walking on eggshells. You will have energy to do other things like walk in nature, read or whatever is your passion instead of having to do his laundry, cooking, food shop, housework etc. Honestly you haven’t lost the Prize. You’re the prize ; you’ll get to see how lovely you are now he’s not thwarting you everyday and bringing you down. I too was discarded and although it was hard weaning myself off his ‘crumbs of
pretend love.’ I managed to move through those feelings with lots of support. My discard was a blessing in disguise. Although he did say to my aunt after that he never thought it would come to this (separation). Well he sent the separation letter to me and I went with it(he thought I’d beg him back which took every ounce of strength for me not to do).

The most important thing from day 1 of your recovery is to go complete No Contact with him. More than likely he will try to Hoover you close enough to him so he can emotionally hurt you again. That’s his addiction (hurting you)and he’s no intention of going ‘cold turkey ‘ in that. Keep reading the posts on here and posting as you need which will strengthen your resolve to go No Contact.

[Flyflyaway]

Thank you lover of no contact. I read your words about 10 times to just feel confident in my decision. He came to my home asking for his things, so i allowed him in to collect them but he looked exhusted and blamed he’s tiredness for waning out. He saud he wants to marry me and have his babies. Please help i know what i have to do but i still very much feel connected to him xx

[HunkyDory]

Hi flyaway don’t be fooled by him. It’s exactly what he wants, your sympathy and feeling bad for him so he can reel you back in. They’re very good at it.

Have you googled trauma bonding? I still feel a pull occasionally and I’m a good few months out but I’ve recognised I care for and miss a man who doesn’t exist – only part of him, the nice bit.

Go absolutely no contact as loverofnocontact says above, it helped me move forward and get him out of my head. Good luck xx

[lover of no contact]

I had to go through this part of my feelings and my emotional thinking wanting him back. Sit with these feelings, ride them out..they will pass. You’re going cold turkey from him and it’s hard but we all had to go through it. It’s so hard but it’s worth it. Might as well start today (Mark day 1 on a calendar) and keep marking. You’ll see how strong you’ll feel as the days of No Contact build up. Thing is he knows that so he will try to make contact ( Hoover you back into the abusive relationship). Contact with him strengthens him and weakens you. But No Contact with you strengthens you and weakens him. He’s then forced to look for new ‘supply’ to use as an emotional punchbag and to do his chores. The abusers start to feel weak very quickly without us to get their kicks (by hurting us). Thing is why should we lose our energy, our self-worth, our self-esteem, our employment , our friends, our family, our health, our sanity etc just so they can strut around feeling King-pins.

Save yourself and block him from your life completely. Keep reading the posts on here today for strength.

Take it One Day at a Time.

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