disgusted!!

[FallenAngel]

I absolutely disgusted at the police force!! The way I just got spoken to!!
Basically getting accused of being a liar because abuser/ex had never been arrested before and even though it hasn’t gone any further his career is ruined cos it stays on file.. How it isn’t really fair on him because of what he might/might not have done as though I would lie no I’m absolutely distraught.
They are accusing me of being a liar when I have put up with this hell for a long time.
They didn’t mention anything about a restraining order.. She seemed bored she was like I could go through it with you but it is 14 pages long as though its just wasting her time..
I’m sorry but where is this justice??? He can happily walk free though she said he still had to be arrested and several hours of his life gone and that it is still on file he still has to face that if he tries working with kids etc but where is the justice???
I’ve cried aload today!!

[KIP.]

Hi Fallen Angel,

I can only sympathise with you as I’ve had my fair share of police who really don’t get it. It really shows a complete lack of understanding, training, empathy etc. it really is a lottery. I quickly realised when dealing with the police to ask for a domestic violence officer. I’ve had no problems since then. Please do not take it personally and do not let ignorant police officers or others drag you down. You lived the abuse. You know exactly what kind of a monster he is and well done for having the courage to report him in the first place. Bet he wasn’t expecting that! I’m having problems with this website. I hope it lets me post this as I can see how upset you are. Big hugs to you❤️

[lover of no contact]

Hiya,

So glad you posted. It is so unfair when we’ve had to put up with the abuse and then others (whether its family, mutual friends, friends, police, social workers, the courts, our solicitors, their solicitors even counsellors sometimes don’t ‘get’ it). And when they don’t understand and I’ve had a lot of the groups I’ve mentioned above indulge in ‘victim blaming’, blaming ‘me’ the victim! And the many in the above groups then start making excuses for him, for him the perpetrator.

Try not to let it get to you, (easier said than done), on here we understand you and what you’re going through with people who are unsympathetic, because all of us on here have been on the receiving end of other people who don’t understand, who judge us and blame us and let the abuser off the hook.

Keep posting your thoughts and feelings on here. I feel for you.

[Mardi]

Yes I totally agree and understand. My family have been really hard on me when they find out I have been seeing my violent ex-boyfriend. They keep saying, “Why do you keep going back to him? You’re setting yourself up for more abuse.” I know they are right but it is so easy for someone outside of the relationship to say those things, they are not the ones in love with the person are they? On the outside they have no feelings of love or romantic interest. They are not the ones facing losing a relationship and the love of their lives are they? So it is so easy for them to have a go at you. Plus the fact they are not the ones having been violently assaulted by the person they love. They are the ones experiencing confusion, depression and suicidal feelings, grief, panic, fear, despair, lack of hope, shock etc etc as a result of being a victim of violence and abuse by the person you love. It would be easier to let go of if it was a stranger that attacked you, but the fact that is was my boyfriend just makes everything feel so weird and much worse somehow. I loved this person and really wanted it to work. I wanted to stay with him forever and to live in harmony and peace. But it just didn’t turn out like that at all. I can’t control other people I suppose, I can only control my own responses to these sad situations. You just never know with people, who you are going to meet, how they are going to treat you. You can never predict it or never completely know and trust anyone. They always hurt and let you down some how. It is hard. Maybe it is human nature. But I think there are some people more cruel and crazier than others. I don’t think anyone is perfect or sane and I do tolerate a lot and care for people. I always forgive, empathise with others. However I never agree with violence, this is criminal and should never happen in any relationship. A relationship should be about love, care and respect, never abuse, threats, mistreatment and violence of any kind. It is disgusting and completely insane. Far below my morals and standards anyway. I really hope I can find a good decent, loving and caring man soon. I hope they are out there and they are not all violent and dangerous. Mardi. xx

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