Disney Dads

[iliketea]

Anyone else struggling with this? I’m finding it more and more difficult with the cost of living at the moment. They go there and stay at his and come back having eaten out every day, treats 24/7, staying in 5 star hotels and all the rest of it, and I still need to use the food bank! CM gets paid sporadically, I’m owed £ks, whole system is a complete joke. Just really getting to me today. Feel so down about it. We don’t do anything, I would love to take them away, all their school friends go away every holidays, and we just stay at home. I can’t even afford a car and then we’re held hostage by the b****y train prices, and then they don’t even run most of the time. I know its beginning to separate my older child from his friendship group as he has less and less in common with them. I know that is really s**t and he shouldn’t be friends with people like that anyway if that’s how they treat him, but they’re just kids and that’s how kids are. I know things will get better one day soon, but when they don’t pay CM and fk the system over, and then go and flash the cash and act like they’re Lord Muck it really hits home. Anyone else have to deal with this cr*p? Needed to vent. I hate this. I wish I had never met him. I hate what it says to my kids. I hate always having to parent them, they never even wash when they go there, they come back smelling of wee, its horrible, he’s horrible, I hate having to then always be the “good” parent, doing the “right” things, putting vegetables on the table and fruit in their hands because they eat junk the whole time when they’re with him. I hate it all today, I hate that he took my life, and my money, my career, and he’s poncing around like some sort of flash git when he is just a complete loser of a man and a person.

[Twisted Sister]

Hi iliketea

Sorry to hear this, I’d say a lot suffer this, whether there is a lot of money or not. Its all about being a friend than parenting, to win their affection, andit does turn children’s heads.If he is not tending to their needs properly can you raise this with someone to look into? I don’t know the ages of your children but could you raise it with a health visitor or gp for adive?

There is not much you can do about the disparity in lifestyles, but their needs must be met, and its recognised as harmful and abusive to continually gift children to buy their loyalty and love. Its sad that he has to do this, but it is a recognised tactic.

I don’t know where you are at legally, but your CM needs to be pinned down properlY; is this a family arrangement with him or formal? Either can be progressed to ensure regular payments by him, whcih should help significantly , but it can be a battle to get it properly addressed.

Chldren can be so cruel can’t they, but maybe they will find better friends, I hope so.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

You need to go to child maintenance and ask for it directly out their wage you can’t live like this your kids deserve the best don’t bother with a family arrangement get his address and ni and get what you need from him

[iliketea]

@mellow (detail removed by Moderator)!! I have thousands owed in arrears but because of the cost of living he has negotiated to repay over nearly (detail removed by Moderator)!! Deduction from earnings orders only last 6 months – if they have been seen to comply (which is pretty hard not to if your employer is deducting it 🤷🏻‍♀️) it can go to them paying direct to CMS who act as the middle person… but it relies on him paying them, which he hasn’t again, but it takes them (detail removed by Moderator) yrs to pull their finger out and ever do anything (which is why there are already arrears in the thousands), I currently have (detail removed by Moderator) complaints in progress, (detail removed by Moderator). It’s a completely broken system and set up to help abusers especially the clever ones to perpetuate post separation financial abuse. It’s a nightmare.

[Twisted Sister]

…I’m sorry, thats a lot, very stressful to go through, and yes, they are worse than the previous shambles, but at least they wouldn’t make you go through a family arrangement necessarily. It is absolutely the abuser’s paradise. Its exhausting keeping on top of them to keep pushing them to do their jobs! Shocking, as if all these father’s paid for the support of their children, there’d be a lot less issues all round.

Its too much isn’t it. I just know its taken a lot of time and energy on your part just to get what you have achieved.

warmest wishes

ts

[Mellow]

Hi lovely as far as I’m aware you have to report it every time they don’t pay to get the deductions order .I’m not sure what’s happened in your case but dosent sound good .i was told you can only go back 6 month reimbursements.with cms.i had a deductions order for years .is that collect and pay ?how does he get away with it

[iliketea]

Thank you @twistedsister xx

[Lifebegins]

Hey iliketea,

I thought hadn’t seen you on here for a while so was hoping all was good with you. Sorry to see it’s not ☹️ Mines exactly the same, I’m getting CM but pittance as able to game the system with his income for CM and financial settlement. They should be ashamed to not provide for their kids but they’re not. I factored this in and am expecting zero from next review.

So Im actively trying to get a better paid job/work more hours now and stick two fingers up to him and his CM. But appreciate not everyone can do this.
Sorry not much help but wanted you to know you’re not alone 💪❤️Xx

[Author]

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