Dissociative Episodes

[KIP.]

Anyone had experience of these. It’s only recently through therapy I’ve discovered what these are and that I’ve been having them. I called it zoning out. But the medical term is a dissociative episode. Apparently it’s common with child abuse victims when you zone out and lose time. I can drive somewhere and not remember the journey, I get dressed then don’t remember putting those clothes on. I’m convicted I’ve told someone something then they deny it. It reminds me of Gaslighting and maybe that’s why I haven’t realised it’s ongoing.

[diymum@1]

i havent experienced it but ive met a few people who have experienced it. one guy had gone to the shops couldnt work out why he was there and how he got there. i think its the far end of ptsd though, its your minds way of protecting you by shutting off xx trauma dosent half have extreme effects on us dosent it xx

[KIP.]

I woke up outside in my dressing gown at it’s worse. There was snow on the ground and I think that’s what woke me otherwise I dread to think about where I’d have woken up. I can laugh now but it was extremely frightening. I had to put parcel tape on the locks! Abuse…. the gift that just keeps giving! 🙈

[diymum@1]

lol yeh the triggers are just wow hard to explain KIP xx

im not sure how they treat this to be honest – i really need to look at how all of this works. are you finding its easing up now ? with time and counselling. xx love diymum

[KIP.]

It’s nowhere near as bad as it was but I didn’t even know what a dissociative episode was. I just thought it was PTSD, not just one of the symptoms. Guess it’s hard to take in what you’re being told when you are having dissociative episodes. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so serious x at least I’m aware of it now and that I’m not crazy. Just in recovery. Thanks for your support x

[diymum@1]

as far as im aware these episodes can be few and far between and the resolve. that does sound sacrey but you sound like your doing really well with counselling and therapy 🙂 and no your definitely not crazy xx any time support wise xx love diymum

[EbonyRaven]

Hi Kip, That sounds awful, I’m sorry you’re going through it. It’s all very well to say, from my end, it’s your mind healing and the like. That doesn’t help you in the moment though.

I’d recommend that you take a look at the First Person Plural website. It is specifically for people who suffer from dissociative identity disorders and run by the dissociative identity disorders association.

The advice and peer support there will be far better than anything I can offer. I hope you manage to learn some coping and grounding techniques so you can pass through this part of your healing journey swiftly and easily.

[maddog]

I used to find myself in traffic not knowing what the hell I was doing there or find myself about to walk in front of a car. It hasn’t happened for decades although I have more recently found myself about to wrap my car round a tree. I didn’t know there was a name for it.

I’m not in therapy at the moment. Just in sheer hell with toxic people I can’t get rid of.

[KIP.]

Hi maddog, children who are being abused learn to disassociate and can bring it on themselves when they want to. It’s a coping mechanism but can cause all sorts of problems when they do it in class or in a non abusive situation. How sad is that. I don’t have that kind of control but when surrounded with toxic people I can see it’s advantage. At least we are learning the tools to deal with these toxins. Another sign is talking to yourself outloud. I do this all the time. Doesn’t everyone?

[maddog]

I talk out loud to the dogs and they talk out loud to me. I grew up in a family where everyone was constantly having conversations with themselves, so to me it is pretty normal!

[Twisted Sister]

Hi KIP.

Sadly yes,another ‘gift’ 😉

I think the severity of dissociation can depend on the level of anxiety.

‘Waking up’ in the snow is dissociation I would imagine from one of those lovely PTSD nightmares!

Whereas ‘zoning out’ aka ‘day-dreaming’ is not about reliving but being so distracted.

There are degrees of it.

The ‘DID’ that EbonyRaven talked of is.something different, as its more to do with living within diferring personas, used to be known as multiple personalities, and is identity focussed.

I believe the less anxiety focus and greater the soothing/comforting/happy/relaxed focus the lessening of the dissociation.

Dissociating is the brain shutting down its conscious processing due to extreme distress, and there will be no memory of it, just the ‘coming to’

I shout a lot in my sleep and it wakes me sometimes. I also shout at horrible thoughts to get rid, like f off.

Its my way of challenging stuff as it comes up
I used to say it in my head but now, when alone, make it stronger by saying it out loud.

It does help, I believe, for me, to renounce it out loud.

Rather get it out that it go round in my head.

Strength to you KIP

Warmest wishes TS

[Fudgecake]

Hi KIP,

It’s the way that some people protect themselves when in or after trauma. I have often “zoned” out and also done a car journey without remembering it. At the moment I’m also forgetful and I agree it feels like gaslighting.
Like TS said “another gift”. At least you are aware of it happening now and hopefully it will subside. But sadly, it’s another cross we bare from our past abuse.

[Iwantmeback]

Thank you for this KIP. I’ve always put it down to ‘automatic driving’. I also zone out a lot now when people are in the middle of talking to me, just thought I had too much on my mind😄
I’ve always talked in my sleep. You can have conversations with me but I’ll have no memory of them in the morning. My oh has asked me a lot this week who I’m arguing with, telling them to get to f..k, I’ve sometimes woken up just before I’ve become too vocal but recently I’m out for the count. Hope I don’t let on what I’m doing🙊.
As you say it would be laughable if it wasn’t so serious.
IWMB 💕🍀

[KIP.]

I did a score test for the therapist on dissociation and I scored too high for her to give me EMDR which is what the psychiatrist said I needed. Who do you believe?

[EbonyRaven]

That’s a difficult one. A psychiatrist is more highly qualified, however, that doesn’t always mean they’re right. I would think the test if it is a national, reliable one couldn’t show anything other than a correct result ‘though. Did the psychiatrist say you should definitely have it, or that it could prove beneficial?

I also talk to myself out loud all the time, and also to the animals and inanimate objects. I thought that was standard normal behaviour lol.

[KIP.]

I only had an hour assessment with the psychiatrist so I don’t think she had all the info and certainly not the result of the dissociation test. Another thing I was told. I speak in the third party. Like they do this and they do that when it should be he did this and he did that. She says that’s another sign of trauma. Distancing ourselves. I read about a rape victim in court speaking this way and the defence got stuck into her. Bless her she held her own and said she was raped and he (the Barrister) was questioning her grammar! Impressive response. Wish I was that cool x

[maddog]

EMDR can be very powerful and it’s possible you don’t yet have the safe place safe enough. The first time I tried the 54321 grounding technique I went into a total panic unlike anything I’d felt before. It was as though I was re-experiencing the horrors as I’d perceived them way back when. Maybe your therapist has other ways of helping you through so you can both work towards it. I too have been recommended EMDR. Haven’t started yet. My head is such a filthy mess at the moment and I am barely functioning.

[KIP.]

Thanks maddog. We have been doing ‘tapping’ on meridian lines. While saying key phrases to open up feelings related to memories. It’s really weird but I found the first session cathartic. The feelings come flooding out but the memories do too and help make sense of things. I’m taking things at my own pace. I can see how far I have come so I can’t complain. There was a point where I just didn’t think I’d make it. Keep going. Much love. KIP X

[Twisted Sister]

Dear KIP

I think emdr has widely varying responses/benefit, and I believe it does depend how well it done and at what point.

I certainly don’t believe its one of the easiest and kind therapies.

I believe anyone traumatised would need a lot of calming techniques and well established in a ‘safe’ zone before attempting something such as this, as yes, its bound to trigger and cause further dissociation, which clearly won’t move anyone forward.

Your therapist sounds on it!

Warmest wishes TS

[Nothinglikeme]

Hi Kip, I have a thing and have not talked about it to anyone really, my therapist says it’s not properly dissociating. I can only describe it as if my brain is cut in three vertically, from back to front, and the rear third is shifted a couple of inches to the right and my eyeballs are stuck in that bit. I think the proper term is depersonalisation, (but this is only self diagnosis) which is a form of dissociation. It’s very unsettling. But it is normal apparently in people who have had childhood trauma.

[KIP.]

Isn’t strange the way our brain copes, hopefully your sensations will ease with time and therapy. I have a strange one. Does anyone remember those optical illusion pictures where it looks like a blur but if you stare at it long enough and in a certain way, a clear picture appears. Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in that stare just waiting for the picture to become clear and in focus. But it’s not visual its the same feeling but my brain is trying to focus but out of sync. It also feels sometimes like a radio that’s just missed the wavelength for tuning, again I feel I just need a tweek to cut out the white noise and tune in for a clear sound.

[Twisted Sister]

Sorry to hear the effects you are experiencing.

I have one, if I might.

Does anyone get their life flashing before their eyes?

I mean, its what iv heard happens before death,but I wonder if it’s only me, as I’ve never heard it mentioned on here before.

Like a film, flying fast in front of your eyes then bright flashes of specific things as the film briefly halts then carries on fast spooling past your eyes again?

Anyone?

Warmest wishes to all for positive recoveries

[KOTB]

Hi all, This thread is really helpful. When the police were questioning me I couldn’t remember very basic information about one specific particularly traumatic incident which I believe is because I have blocked it out. This really goes to show that we are at a disadvantage having to give evidence in court.
A GP who had been particularly helpful with my anxiety and depression has persuaded me against EMDR at this time. I think you need to be in the right headspace for fully remembering and revisiting certain events.
Also after one of my (generic) counselling sessions I was overwhelmed by remembering these set of numbers (a password to something) I can’t recall them now but it was obviously something I was screamed at to remember when my ex was having one of his moments. The brain is so complicated & related to all hormone/chemical producing glands.
KOTB

[Twisted Sister]

Dear KOTB

I have that, and yes, its puts you at such a disadvantage.

This is PTSD memories, that due to shock don’t contain all the information that in traumatic memories have to be processed and laid down, so they float around and get triggered easily.

Anyone else had bodily shock sensations?
From a trigger I mean.

Or just me again 😀

[Twisted Sister]

*that untraumatic memories have, to be processed

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