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A little disturbed by tonight, after two days of things being really good and without any warning he grabbed me by the throat in the kitchen. He didn’t say a word he just held me there staring at me. Paranoid now as to what he was thinking, he wasn’t strangling me he was just holding me very firmly by the neck and then he walked away and went to bed as though nothing had happened. I am at a loss as to what to make of it but its bothered me quite a bit. I am wide awake and my mind is in overdrive really not sure what to make of it. I know it sounds stupid but if he was angry and punched me I could understand it but that I don’t.
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I’d say it’s had the desired affect…because now you’re disturbed, unable to rest, and trying to scramble for a reason.
There is no reason. Even if he’d, as you say got angry and punched you, there’s still nothing that can justify that.
If you can, look up non-fatal strangulation. Although you say he didn’t strangle you, I think it’s very clear the intent was there…he was making sure you know he could do it. Mine used to do this aswell…suddenly turn around and pin me to a wall by my throat, not strangling, but firmly enough that there was nothing I could do. It’s dangerous.
Personally I think he’s done it to keep you scared…you say things have been really good lately so I wonder if perhaps he’s done it to ensure you don’t get comfortable? If that makes sense?
Abusers tend to like it when we’re on edge and anxious.I hope I’ve been of some help, if not hopefully someone else will come along with something better soon!
How are you feeling this morning? Did you manage to sleep at all?
LBP xx
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Hi
Littlebritishphoenix, I did not sleep well, felt like I had to sleep with one eye open so kept waking up. I think you may be right it was all about setting me on edge, it definitely worked. He strangled me a few years back until I was on the verge of passing out but he was pulled off me, so anything like that will have the desired affect. I typed the non-fatal strangulation into the search bar and didn’t get any further. I hate reading stuff like that. I really am a head in the sand kind of person but I got the jist of what it was saying. x
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Hi there, what’s worrying me about your post is how normal it sounds to you. You are a ‘little disturbed’ and ‘if he was angry and punched me I could understand that’. You are minimising his behaviour. Abuse creeps up on us and only gets worse. Can you imagine your first date with a guy and he did this to you. You would run for the hills or even call the police. There’s nothing stopping him squeezing tighter next time if he feels like it. Are you in touch with Women’s Aid. Do you understand the cycle of abuse. The good period. Then the walking on eggshells anxious period (now)? It’s shocking that a man would do this to you. It is unacceptable, disrespectful, dangerous and illegal! Try to ring the helpline❤️
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Hi KIP, I frustrate myself because if someone else said the things I do I would be going mad but when it comes to me it really does feel completely normal and I guess because when I look at the things that have happened I have never suffered the way some of the women have on here. Also I suffer with anxiety so sometimes I think that if I do get scared its out of proportion with what is happening. I have many years practise dealing with professionals etc and minimising talk has become a habit. NO matter how bad things have got in the past I have been unable to show anyone how I feel and have even smiled when the police have arrived after some incidents. I don’t know why I do it, I just do x
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So sorry this has happened, it seems he has done it to scare you and make you afraid. Did it leave any marks on your neck, if so did you take a photograph neck otherwise you have no proof and it would be your word against his and he would not get punished and reporting it would make it worse for you as it would escalate his abuse.
Its pretty sadistic to not say a word or show anger, shows it was cold and calculated, how are you this morning x-
Hi Godschild, I am ok this morning I think I agree with Phoenix it was about scaring me and I only had some red marks straight after but I was so rattled by what had happened I did not think to take photos. I really did not know how to react in all honesty. x
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Glad you are ok, I really think he did it to scare yo and remind you of his abuse, has he ever done anyhitng like this before xx
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If you mean has he done things to scare me yes he does that all the time. I try not to show if I am bothered but sometimes my mind gets the better of me. If you are on about the neck thing he went through a stage of going for my neck every time we argued but then he stopped because a worker showed me how to get out of the grip. Although I literally just stood in place last night and did not speak or move, I just waited to see what he was going to do, is that strange? x
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The whole situation is strange, dysfunctional, abusive and dangerous. I tried not to react and this made him angrier and more sadistic until he got a reaction. You are caught in survivor mode. You are trauma bonded and cannot see the danger. I’ve been there. It was only with help from women’s aid that I managed to understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship. Please keep talking about it if you can. We understand and maybe one day, your lightbulb will go on too❤️
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My ex used to hold me by the neck all the time. He’d do it if I disagreed with him, if he felt I was taking to long to get ready, if I didn’t get the right kind of milk. It’s easier to work out in your head if he hits you. U know for sure that’s wrong. But then my reaction was always to back down, he’d often then say good girl and give me a kiss. All I would think at the time is good, he’s not annoyed anymore, I’ve pleased him. Looking back it’s crazy and if anyone did that to my daughter I’d want their head on a stick but I was so conditioned to believe that was acceptable and a normal dynamic of our relationship that I always believed I was the one in the wrong. X
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It’s not right. It’s abuse. It’s control and it’s letting u know he can hurt u any time he chooses. I’m telling u this because I’m detached from your situation but I understand the confusion because even as I say this to you I still feel responsible for him doing it to me. I get the whole mind melt this does to you. Sending u love and strength. Xxxx
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I sometimes wonder if I even know which way is up. He didn’t hurt me he unsettled me which for some reason I find far worse. Physical it’s done mental it never is because it always leaves you questioning yourself. Definitely a mind melting moment x
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