Disturbing encounter

[swanlake]

I’m having a rubbish day.

I’ve been selling things online and someone came round this evening to collect something. He turned out to be something of a w****o, made some comments about how attractive I’d look in the clothes that I’m selling online. Why don’t people keep their creepy comments to themselves?

Also I’ve recently started a new job in a male dominated environment. I’ve already learned several new words for male genitals and when I arrive for my shift I have to walk past the break area with men leering and vaping. Well, I assume that my experiences with abusers have made me more sensitive to the potential of being leered at.

I’m quite desperate for money as I’ve not been well enough to work recently. In future I will refuse to have people at my home address for online sales. But I feel compelled to stick with the job though I’m applying for others too. I’m not really recovered from being unwell so it’s tiring to be working and applying for jobs.

It’s so rubbish.

[Lisa]

Hi swanlake,

That sounds really difficult. Having experienced abuse may mean that you’re more aware of these kinds of behaviour or that they trigger memories and feelings that mean they have more impact than they did previously, but you still deserve to be free of inappropriate comments and looks. It’s not okay that these men think they have the right to make comments about or leer at your body. This kind of behaviour shows the sense of entitlement that so many men have without giving a thought to women feeling comfortable or safe. Unfortunately, it’s this attitude that underlies domestic abuse. I hope that you’re able to find another job to get you out of that environment soon. Acas provides free, impartial advice on workplace issues, including sexual harassment. As well as the information on their website, they have a helpline you can call for advice.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[swanlake]

It gets worse. The creep took an item that someone else had won! Said that they were a (detail removed by Moderator). Paid me cash. It reminded me of when I was sexually abused as a child and the abuser gave me money. That’s how the freaks justify it to themselves. It wasn’t abuse because I paid the person.

I’m absolutely in bits. It’s taken me half an hour to refund the actual buyer as I can’t see straight and can’t coordinate my hands to tap the keyboard in the right place. I can’t even complain to the online place as it’s my mistake. I must have sold the item to the other person at exactly the same time as the creepy pervert decided to pop round and buy it and got confused. He knows where I live!

I’m more than confused now, I’m traumatised. I feel disgusting. It’s been a while since I last had some counselling from a sexual abuse organisation, perhaps I need more. Maybe Victim Support can help me. I’ve come across a specialist charity that helps abused neurodiverse people but because I don’t have a diagnosis I’m not eligible for the help that perhaps I need if something like this can set me off this much.

[swanlake]

I’ve recently had another disturbing encounter with a creepy pervert sadly.

A family member lives quite close by in sheltered accommodation and I visit regularly as they are unwell. Last time I was there alone to take them to hospital, another resident made an inappropriate comment to me and I’m now scared to visit alone. So far he has managed to keep his disgusting opinions to himself when my husband has been around. I’ve reported it to social services and they have just said that they hope that I’m not put off visiting!

So I’m really not sure what to do next and my poor family member might suffer because of this person and the services that are enabling them. I’m not prepared to put myself in harm’s way after all the sexual abuse that I’ve endured as a child and an adult. It’s really rubbish that people like that walk amongst us and retain all the power to do whatever they want regardless of the harm to others.

[Author]

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